“Only people who die young learn all they really need to know in kindergarten.”
- Wendy Kaminer
I haven’t done a humorous quotes post since November*. On Friday, one kindergarten period during gym gave me enough quotes to merit its own post. It’s not often that one thirty-minute period could warrant its very own post, but here it is:
As they filed in, I called, “Kindergarteners, go to your warm-up spots.”
“They’re not their warm-up spots – they’re our stretching spots.”
Drat the little children’s annoying habit of being exact. “My mistake. Kindergarteners, to your stretching spots.”
It’s a good thing they don’t understand sarcasm.
For each stretch, the children protested if I veered from the usual order of stretches, tried to do few or too many counts in the stretch, or (God forbid) counted instead of saying the alphabet as we held the stretch. At some point, I said, “If I don’t do the warm-ups in exactly the same order as your teacher, it’s not the end of the world.” I don’t think they believed me.
Later, a little girl on steppers (upside down cups to stand on with handles that you hold) stepped over to me. “I have money in my pocket.”
“That’s nice. What are you buying?”
“I have more money at home. I’m saving.”
“It’s good to save. What are you saving for?”
“I’ve got $100. If my mother loses her job, if my father loses his job, I’m gonna save them.”
“That’s very sweet.”
With about ten minutes of class time to go, one girl sat on the floor, sobbing and clutching her knee, while a gaggle of girls huddled around her.
She pointed to a surprised girl. “SHE pushed me!”
Surprised girl responded, “No I didn’t. Your shoelaces are untied.”
We all looked down and indeed they were untied. “I think you shouldn’t accuse friends. You probably tripped on your laces,” I said.
Then the hurt girl looked around. “Stop looking at me!”
I reprimanded the hurt girl. “They’re just concerned about you.”
“Go away!” she screamed at them anyway. (Did her head just spin 360 degrees?)
All the girls scurried away but one. “Can I stay?”
The girl was still crying, but seemed calmer. “Are you ready to play?” I asked.
I pulled up her pant leg to see that her knee. “You look okay to me, but if it’s really bothering you, I can get my HUGE chainsaw and get rid of this pesky leg.”
That usually gets giggles, but she said, “No,” trying to decide if I was serious.
She ran off, probably terrified of me.
Another student, who was in the original huddle, came over and told me, “I know that girl from last year. When she’s upset, she likes to be alone. She needs her space.” I smiled. “Thanks for letting me know.”
When their teacher arrived, I announced, “Kindergarteners, your teacher is here. Please help me put away all of the gym equipment.” Most readily complied.
As they left, one student said, “Thank you for taking us through our routine today.”
Trying not to laugh, I replied, “Thank you for being such a good class.”
As they went out the door, I overhead the last two boys having this exchange:
“You know, staples can kill.”
“No, they can’t.”
“Yes, they can.”
Kindergarteners are really cute, but ZANY. For those of you who teach kindergarten day in and day out, I salute you. Below are two kindergarten blogs that I follow. Check them out and get to know these dedicated teachers:
My Happy Rainbow:
The Chronicles of a Veteran Kindergarten Teacher:
* Previous humorous quotes: