tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post819149712740189184..comments2024-03-25T22:38:39.934-07:00Comments on THERESA'S TALES: Dreaded EditTheresa Milsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-43018856508575620882010-04-14T02:37:22.031-07:002010-04-14T02:37:22.031-07:00Olleymae, thanks for reading the beginning. I'...Olleymae, thanks for reading the beginning. I'm going to look for the book in the store. Thank you for the recommendation.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-10171741978230470722010-04-13T18:58:37.899-07:002010-04-13T18:58:37.899-07:00I don't think there's anything wrong in sa...I don't think there's anything wrong in saving the world, as long as you sell it so the reader is on board too. The higher the stakes the better, per WRITING THE BREAKOUT NOVEL, and yes, I definitely recommend the book and workbook. Thanks for checking out my review!Olleymaehttp://www.mbwcreates.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-85070326176168556842010-04-05T06:59:12.671-07:002010-04-05T06:59:12.671-07:00Disgruntled Bear, I can take a picture in front of...Disgruntled Bear, I can take a picture in front of John Harvard! That's funny because I just walked through there yesterday and commented on the cluster of people that are always around it. <br /><br />Thank you for the kind offer of looking through some pages. I'll think about it after it's got some more polish.<br /><br />Good luck with your book.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-76346415294725338082010-04-05T04:02:07.197-07:002010-04-05T04:02:07.197-07:00Mixed review:
Like someone mentioned in a previo...Mixed review: <br /><br />Like someone mentioned in a previous comment, I feel a little "meeh" about the Adam and Eve names. You also use a few non-said dialogue tags that rumple my editorial feathers (e.g., snapped, complained). <br /><br />That said, your premise made me want to read more. So, Theresa, I'll make you an offer--if you send me the first ten pages (<>2500 words) in the body of an email (my email's in my Disgruntled Bear profile), I'll do a line-edit and content analysis for you. I will then give you honest feedback as to whether it needs another round of editing or two, a major overhaul, or should be classified as a "learning experience." (this last designation is the resting place of my first novel, RIP). <br /><br />I did this for a blog contest a few months ago, and, while I'm kinda the Simon Cowell of YA fiction critiques, I really will tell you straight what works and what doesn't. Feel free to start with your query letter, if you have one; I'll give you feedback on it, too. <br /><br />And either way I'll send you a t-shirt; thanks for entering the contest over at DB. Can you take the picture in front of the John harvard statue?Disgruntled Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17975975276659730388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-52072427310354271442010-04-04T20:52:13.378-07:002010-04-04T20:52:13.378-07:00Jackee, it's already written and I'm enjoy...Jackee, it's already written and I'm enjoying rereading as I edit it, so that's a good sign.<br /><br />Mary McDonald, I haven't queried yet. I'll polish it and send it soon, and see what they say.<br /><br />M. Gray, I don't know about the smoke on Lost. I may be the only person in America who doesn't watch it. Thanks for the feedback.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-55844859643141135312010-04-04T20:19:43.472-07:002010-04-04T20:19:43.472-07:00Great intro. I like the sprinkled sky line. :)
Th...Great intro. I like the sprinkled sky line. :)<br /><br />The fog stuff reminds me of the black smoke on Lost, which is a good thing. Intrigue is good. Go, fog, go!!Mary Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14381578745894421730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-48869318312095736382010-04-04T19:43:19.262-07:002010-04-04T19:43:19.262-07:00Have you queried this with agents? I say go for it...Have you queried this with agents? I say go for it if you haven't. What do you have to lose?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13267066733031149882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-1667820084439606542010-04-04T19:40:45.725-07:002010-04-04T19:40:45.725-07:00Cool! I loved the first sentence, especially. And ...Cool! I loved the first sentence, especially. And the tension is definitely there. <br /><br />When I decide if it's the book I need to work on by how much I feel myself longing to work on it. Then again, I'm probably not the person to take advice from because I've stopped and started half a dozen different books last year alone!Jackeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03351019926958000627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-45654055476561621952010-04-04T18:59:42.033-07:002010-04-04T18:59:42.033-07:00VKT, I'm going to keep at it. Thanks for aski...VKT, I'm going to keep at it. Thanks for asking!Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-56242002222914095442010-04-04T18:02:36.577-07:002010-04-04T18:02:36.577-07:00Have you made a decision yet about what you are go...Have you made a decision yet about what you are going to do? I hope you don't put it aside.VKThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14017490749224577620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-23959413562761332882010-04-04T12:52:55.244-07:002010-04-04T12:52:55.244-07:00Carolina Valdez Miller, I do feel strongly about t...Carolina Valdez Miller, I do feel strongly about the story. I think after all these comments, I'll keep at it. You're right - I can change anything during editing.<br /><br />Jennifer Beza, I will write the other one soon. Right now, I figured it wouldn't hurt to polish this one and see if any agents are interested. It certainly takes longer to start from scratch until getting it ready to query!<br /><br />VKT, thanks for the comment - kindergarten teachers' opinions are welcome. I hope you're having a Happy Easter.<br /><br />Susan, my husband doesn't like the cliche of the names either. He said it makes the ending too obvious. I remember the editor at the critique liking the names. If an agent tells me s/he likes the story, but not the names, I'll have no problem changing them!Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-2775190356003374382010-04-03T20:23:46.222-07:002010-04-03T20:23:46.222-07:00Very interesting story idea, Theresa! I have to ad...Very interesting story idea, Theresa! I have to admit, the fog swallowing the Wal Mart does sound like horror to me. I'd be interested to see what other direction you might take it in, if you're not going to write it as horror. The names Adam and Eve also stuck out to me, I'd probably change one of them unless you've got a really good reason to keep them both.Susan Fieldshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02433408456603462774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-62409175604811190102010-04-03T19:21:25.336-07:002010-04-03T19:21:25.336-07:00I am no expert but I really like the beginning. Yo...I am no expert but I really like the beginning. You certainly hooked me in. I want to find out what happens next! I wouldn't put it aside if I were you but hey...I just teach kindergarten, what do I know? Happy Easter!VKThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14017490749224577620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-27351102122038886482010-04-03T18:21:03.758-07:002010-04-03T18:21:03.758-07:00Compelling beginning. Thanks for sharing. Let us...Compelling beginning. Thanks for sharing. Let us know when you publish. <br /><br />Who says you can't start on the manuscript you're dying to write and then switch back?Jennifer Beza Macensky, M.S. Ed.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05704408043601351051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-87813421142298619022010-04-03T13:19:44.981-07:002010-04-03T13:19:44.981-07:00Oh, I think it's certainly intriguing enough n...Oh, I think it's certainly intriguing enough not to set it aside for good. You have layers of conflict, all of them interesting, which right off the bat is a positive. But the question is how strongly do you feel about this story? Is it something that you will have to force yourself to work on? If so, then perhaps now is not the time to work on it. Writing is a passionate act, so--in my opinion, anyway--you should feel passionate about what you are writing. If you love this story, I say give it another go. Whatever you feel might be hokey or problematic can be resolved in the editing process.Carolina M. Valdez Schneiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11589934533051907801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-41784871322415417042010-04-03T09:16:11.358-07:002010-04-03T09:16:11.358-07:00Melissa Sarno, thank you for the encouragement.
...Melissa Sarno, thank you for the encouragement. <br /><br />Sarahjayne, that's interesting that you like the last line because I just changed it yesterday morning. First they both "wanted to be a part of it", but I realized that wasn't a genuine statement because he takes the lead and she's reluctant for much of the quest.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-46964860738055390392010-04-03T08:37:35.150-07:002010-04-03T08:37:35.150-07:00I like this beginning. I think you've got a go...I like this beginning. I think you've got a good set-up here and I really love the last line. I'm not a big YA reader, but I think I'd read more of this. :)sarahjayne smythehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02589820347348973092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-56456065227365655452010-04-03T06:16:49.200-07:002010-04-03T06:16:49.200-07:00I think you've got something here. Saving the...I think you've got something here. Saving the world might be a little hokey, but from your opening paragraphs it sounds like, at the very least, they are going on an epic adventure. It sounds like this manuscript is nagging at you, so go for it!Melissa Sarnohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11215683401795724259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-81679258793855572762010-04-03T05:59:49.168-07:002010-04-03T05:59:49.168-07:00Brigid, how sweet of you to show it to your daught...Brigid, how sweet of you to show it to your daughter! I like the idea of amping up the fog. Just after where I stopped, there's A LOT about the fog. Thanks for the feedback!Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-55011977217920020542010-04-03T05:09:13.362-07:002010-04-03T05:09:13.362-07:00Hi Theresa,
I was intrigued by your extract, also...Hi Theresa, <br />I was intrigued by your extract, also let my 13 year old read it (big reader) and she read it in one go without stalling and she definitely liked it and would read more.<br />I agree, you have something, I would definitely amp up the fog bit to make it more dramatic and to contrast with the routine teenage conversation.<br />I like the voices of the two characters, and like the names, can see what you are doing with the Eve characters name, I think.<br />Thanks for sharingBrigid O'Connorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08646687391409208367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-9051099961078982832010-04-03T04:54:01.715-07:002010-04-03T04:54:01.715-07:00Katie, thanks for the tip - I don't know how I...Katie, thanks for the tip - I don't know how I missed that. I appreciate your comment.<br /><br />Talli, nit-picking is good because I wanted feedback. Thanks for the advice.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-85731602857924557682010-04-03T04:15:56.196-07:002010-04-03T04:15:56.196-07:00Hi Theresa. You're really brave, sharing a beg...Hi Theresa. You're really brave, sharing a beginning. And it's really good, I think! I definitely want to know more about what's going to happen, and the strangeness of the world is painted very well. <br /><br />One thing to maybe consider - of course it's just my opinion - I found the first sentence really interesting but a little bit confusing when I went on to the second, since the connection between Walmart and 'It started off as an ordinary night' wasn't immediately obvious and a bit jarring. I'm sure you can fix it easily to flow better, if you want. Excuse the nit-picking! :)<br /><br />Other than that - keep going! I want more!Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-190030586381601252010-04-02T22:17:30.439-07:002010-04-02T22:17:30.439-07:00Interesting beginning. YA is not my normal thing b...Interesting beginning. YA is not my normal thing but I have read a few stories in this genre. The intro is definitely intriguing. I'll bring out the old show don't tell trope here that I am sure you have heard a million times. This line right here struck me. <br /><br />There was a fog wrapping itself around everything outside - houses, trees, cars, mailboxes. It was so thick; you’d believe that it would have substance if you touched it.<br /><br />This is the spot where you can amp things up and really start off with a bang. Show us the cloud of fog rolling in. Don't use the "was's' as they are telling. Try and re-imagine this scene and describe it without using was at all. <br /><br />Other than that, very good. The characters feel real enough and I am imagining teenagers. It is totally believable to see them trying to share an assignment and arguing over who is doing more work. <br /><br />Keep on with this one. I love the premise. <br /><br />Hope this helps. <br /><br />KatieKatie Salidashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15159923761047042193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-81099235469645048242010-04-02T17:59:06.506-07:002010-04-02T17:59:06.506-07:00Old Kitty, Adam and Eve is a bit obvious. I put i...Old Kitty, Adam and Eve is a bit obvious. I put it because Eve fights against the connotation. Thank you for all of your nice words. It means a lot to me.<br /><br />Barbra, I love your bug, lightning bug comparison. Thank for you compliments.<br /><br />Shelley, I'm glad the book came off real to you. Thanks for the comment.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3801207462566510326.post-5502453833922069532010-04-02T17:07:45.949-07:002010-04-02T17:07:45.949-07:00I like this, Theresa. The beginning hook is great...I like this, Theresa. The beginning hook is great, and centering the initial drama around Walmart is fun, because it makes the book that much more real. You write well. I'd love to read more!Shelley Slyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07981620646634240160noreply@blogger.com