Mary McDonald is hosting a “Tuesday Terror Blogfest”: http://mmcdonald64.blogspot.com/2010/06/blogfest-terror-tuesday-june-8th.htmlI decided to submit the prologue of a sequel to Aura. Enjoy!
I always felt a rush after breaking and entering. The stash in my bag rattled comfortingly against my back as I descended the steps of the Manhattan brownstone. A block or so away I began to whistle contentedly as I sauntered home. I enjoyed the adrenaline high of the whole experience, but getting home to survey my treasures and predict the money they would generate was the best part. I quickened my pace in anticipation.
After another block, I got the sense someone was following me. That was a surprise, because I prided myself on my discretion. I went in and out like a shadow, and all these years had never been close to being caught. There was an art to theft and I was a master artist - the Cezanne of stealing, so to speak. I quickly turned, but saw no one. Still I could not shake the feeling that someone pursued me.
Many blocks later, I came near my apartment in a less savory part of the city. I could afford to live in a nicer neighborhood, but why reside next to the people you take from? Besides, I wanted to stay near my kind – those who take advantage of the weak. In this area, there were many darkened alleyways where I could lose a person easily if someone followed me. I found a street with a broken light so I could barely see and ducked into one of the alleys, certain I’d shaken the pursuer. I decided to wait a few minutes to make sure.
Without a sound, the man stepped in front of me. I put my hand on the knife in my pocket, reassuringly. Whatever this guy wanted, he was no match for me. Even as he came closer and I saw his large size and almost Neanderthal features, I felt reassured by my blade.
“What do you want?” I asked like wanted to know the time.
“Me? I want to drain the blood out of your body. Because it’s a full moon, you will transform into a vampire, like myself. Then you’ll join my army because I need your special talents.”
I was dealing with a whacko. I decided to keep him talking and when his guard was down, I’d stab him. “You’re familiar with my work?”
The man gave a crude smile. “I’ve been tracking you for months. You’re almost vampire-like, the way you sneak in and out of houses with supreme agility, undetected by none but me. I wanted to take you sooner, but I had to wait until you decided to steal on the full moon. I’ve been getting quite impatient.”
He believed every word he said and I found it unnerving but I did my best to hide it. “What do you use your army for?”
“For now, just to get me money, power, and influence in this area. But soon, I’d like to take over the vampire world.”
I ran out of things to say. Each time he spoke I felt more fear, an emotion I wasn’t used to feeling. I gripped the blade and went to make my move. But he grabbed me before I could even pull the knife from my pocket. He seized my head with one hand and my shoulder with the other as he stared into my eyes. I became paralyzed – not by fright, but as in a trance. I stood as a statue, as he commanded, “You will join my army and stay loyal to me and only me.” It was pointless to fight, to say I worked alone. Whatever he wanted me to do, I’d do.
He leaned in and pierced my neck flesh with his teeth. I could not scream, though the pain seared my skin. As he sucked, my body weakened, and then collapsed to the ground.
The man chuckled as he scooped up my rag doll body and tossed it over his shoulder. Then next thing I knew we were up in the air. I viewed the tops of buildings below and silently screamed. Then I blacked out.
Please check out the other “Tuesday Terror Blogfest” entries:
| 2. Raquel Byrnes, Edge of Your Seat Romance 3. Cheree Smith 4. Skippy 5. Delia | 7. Candyland 10. Lee Robertson | 11. Donna Hole |
Hmm... I can't say I was terrorized but I had fun reading that!
ReplyDeleteIt gives me an idea for a game. Taking one scene and having the various participants rewrite it in their own various ways.
As prologues go, that was effective, it's self sustaining and leaves me (can't speak for anyone else) intrigued without feeling gypped. Thanks for sharing!
Alesa, I know it's not terrorizing but I didn't want to preface the piece with a caveat. Honestly, I don't know why I entered. I I'm glad you liked it.
ReplyDeleteI'm a poor reference though, I've blithely read through books that were recommended to me as "freaky" or "scary as hell".
ReplyDeleteI think you could easily have revved up the terror factor of the piece though... Of course that would have entailed changing your prologue for the contest.
Don't knock yourself! You took part in the blogfest (which is always cool) and your entry fits the bill perfectly. It's never explicitly stated that it is the reader who needs to be terrorized, in fact it more or less implies that it is the character that should be terrorized, which is certainly the case of you cat burglar. : j
Congrats for taking part in the blogfest. :)
ReplyDeleteWell I was taken by surprise at the end - didn't know there were going to be vampires!! Excellent - it gave a new twist and took the narrative to a different level of possibilities. I like that I was lulled into thinking it was about this uber suave and sexy burglar but no - it was more about what she becomes after! Yikes!
ReplyDeleteLovely, I really enjoyed this.
take care
x
I vote with Kitty. I started reading this thinking the story would go one way, and then it veered! That element of surprise alone worked to draw me in, wondering what next?
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this! When the MC called him a wacko I laughed. I suppose that's what I would think as well. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat 'moody' piece, loved the
ReplyDelete'the Cezanne of stealing' line.
Yay for vampires! I agree, you shouldn't change your prologue for the blogfest, and the MC was terrorized, so I think it qualifies.
ReplyDelete@Alesa, I'm not big with terror and gore, though I did go through a Stephen King phase. A few months back there was a murder mystery blogfest, and I could barely read the entries. That said, I did have a scarier scene, but it was longer and it's supposed to be the climax of the story so I didn't want to give it away here.
ReplyDelete@Lindsay aka Isabella, thank you. It was a spur of the moment decision.
@Old Kitty, it's funny you thought it was a woman. It's a man! I guess I'll have to go back and make it clear. (Oops!) I'm glad the piece threw you a curve ball.
Joanne, I'm glad you liked it. What happens here will be critical for the MC later in the story.
ReplyDeleteAubrie, I would think he was a whacko too.
Brigid, I like the "Cezanne of stealing" line too, if I do say so myself!
Delia, I'm glad it qualifies.
Good job! You do dialogue well. Was fun to read. -Lee
ReplyDelete@LR/Lee, thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteTheresa--Why would you want to scare a nice lady like Betty like this? Now I gotta get a bigger knife to carry in my pocket....
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I like the "Cezanne of Stealing" line, it gives your MC an edge of sarcasm that fits with her chosen career.
ReplyDeleteI thought it very terrorizing...the attack, the ominous reference to more like him. Thanks for sharing.
I wish I would have paid attention to this blogfest, I might have participated!!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your piece very much!
OH MY GOD MISS BETTY CRACKED ME UP!!! I'm still laughing at her comment!!!
@Bossy Betty, you can try a bigger knife but you've got to be quick with it.
ReplyDelete@Raquel Byrnes, thank you for the compliment. I checked out your entry, and found it scary and realistic.
@Jen, I wish you had participated. If you have something ready, why don't you do it now?
Bossy Betty made me laugh too!
A bad guy who will become the anti-hero.
ReplyDeleteStraight From Hel
Oh how I love Bossy Betty.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this, Theresa!
Helen Ginger, is that your guess? Hmm...
ReplyDeleteTalli Roland, thank you. Bossy Betty is the star of this post.
Great scene, I loved reading this.
ReplyDeleteThis was a quiet terror, but terror nonetheless. The disquieting feeling you built up as he headed home grew as he caught sight of the man, and increased even more as he tried to convince himself that the vampire was a whacko. I thought you did a terrific job on this.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for entering my blogfest and I love that you added the links here. Thanks! :-)
Cheree, thanks for the feedback.
ReplyDeleteMary McDonald, thank you for the compliment. Thanks for setting up the contest. It was fun.
That was certainly suspenseful! I enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteAmanda, it's good to hear you found it suspenseful. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteWell, that ending was a surprise. :) Very unnerving, very effective piece for the blogfest.
ReplyDeleteHappy 200! You've got a great voice!
ReplyDeleteYikes! Nicely done :)
ReplyDeleteSarahjayne, thank you. I appreciate your comment.
ReplyDeleteT. Anne, I'm glad you like my voice.
Jemi Fraser, thanks!
That was a great read. Tension, humor, an engaging character. And a nemises. I liked the world building too (had to wait till full moon to turn her, needed for his vampire army, a vampire world to dominate). A page turner for sure.
ReplyDelete........dhole
"I always felt a rush after breaking and entering."
ReplyDeleteGreat first line.
I wasn´t terrorized but I just loved it! Your writting has a remarkable flow, and it´s so enjoyable! Good job!
ReplyDeleteDonna Hole, thank you for the complimentary feedback. I'm glad you liked it!
ReplyDeleteMissed Periods, I'm glad you enjoyed the first line.
Clara, thank you very much. I appreciate the feedback.
Surprise ending! Didn't see that twist.
ReplyDeleteAre you going to spend the summer writing? What will be your schedule?
Tiffany, I'm going to write as much as I can this summer. We have trips to visit family planned for half of it, so it will cut into my time. I plan to query Aura the The Disappearances soon.
ReplyDelete