Friday, February 11, 2011

Are YOU Ready to Write YOUR story?

"They were huddled together like a family of Ellis Island immigrants just off the Mayflower."

- A Sure Thing by Nicole Polizzi (Snooki)

Are you ever too young to have a story?

No, of course not. Remember Anne Frank’s diary?

Are you ever too young to write a story?

Not if you can grasp a pencil or tap a keyboard.

Are you ever too young to write a memoir?

Not if you’re Justin Bieber.

The Bieber isn’t the first, and it won’t be the last. You’ve got to jump on this bandcarriage!

Now some of you are probably worried you’re not young enough to write a memoir. Not to worry. Check off which if these traits apply to you:

_____ I’m a famous rockstar.

_____ My hairstyle is unique. (See Justin Bieber, Snooki, and Donald Trump for examples.)

_____ I came from a humble hometown and made it big. (Abe Lincoln is an early example of this repeated phenomenon.)

______ I have popular You Tube videos.

______ I failed to pass my driver’s test, but then I received a Range Rover as a gift, so it all kinda worked out.

_____ I have tweets riddled with spelling errors that can be placed verbatim into my book.

_____ I say things like, “There are lots of things I really like besides girls. Like pizza.... And CHUCK NORRIS." (Bieber always capitalizes CHUCK NORRIS.)

If you’ve checked off three or more, then you’re ready to write your memoir. You no longer have to fret that famous people and even dogs are gobbling up all the advances. There’s still BIG $ for someone like you.

Don’t worry about minor details like beginning, middle, and end. You think Bieber not being near “The End” of his life stopped him? He may be the next J.K. Rowling because his memoir has series potential.

You can even ride someone’s coattails. What if your mother was the governor of Alaska and ran for vice president, and then you got to be on a dancing competition show with famous people? MEMOIR!

Spelling and grammar deficiencies are no obstacles when crafting your memoir, mostly because the publishers will hire someone to write it for you. And don’t let little details like “facts” get in the way (See James Frey). What’s more important; a boring memoir or a memorable memoir? I’d argue the “mem” stands for memorable.

Lastly, writing the book isn’t enough. Today it’s all about promotion and branding. Some projects to consider:

A concert tour.

A concert in Time’s Square on New Year’s Eve.

A calendar.

A Christmas Stocking!

Remember, it’s not about being an author - It’s about being a brand.

In conclusion, if you have a mostly true story in which really cool things have happened (bonus if you’re already famous) then write your proposal, and wait for editors to clamor for your memoir and hire you a ghostwriter.

Then sit back and wait for those royalties.

Yes, it’s THAT easy.

What are you waiting for?


  1. Wait, is that Snooki quote a real quote? Seriously? Also, I'm going to get a distinctive hair style and write my memoir--thanks for the advice! :)

  2. LOL, my hair style is definitely unique and in my mind I'm a rock star, at least my Wii thinks so. Oh memoir here I come. Wait my You Tube video was pulled. :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  3. I don't really mind Bieber writing a memoir, because there really are thirteen year old clamoring to read that book. And as much as I'm a rock fan, the kid does have true talent.
    The Jersey Shore sluts writing books (with ghost writers) though make me ill. It shows you can be famous on TV and in the literary world for getting drunk and sleeping with people. Sickening.

  4. I almost didn't click on the post when I saw Bieber's pic. He's freakin' everywhere! GAH!

    And hey, if Snooki can do ... so can I!


  5. LOL!!!! Now I know where I've gone wrong!!

    What makes me laugh are these 12 year olds already planning their second/third memoirs!! LOL!! Take care

  6. @ Words A Day, I feel a little bad for picking on JB, but until recently, everyone who's famous didn't write a memoir and didn't have their face and name on EVERYTHING.

    @ Meredith, sadly, yes it's a real quote. How did that get past the ghost writer and editor, I have no idea.

    @ Jules, repost that video and you're ready to go!

    @ Kelly, Bieber has talent as a musician, not a writer. Why does everyone with some measure of fame get to write a book now?

    @ Justine, his picture is everywhere! I only picked on him because of that. He's not the only "writer" culprit.

    @ Old Kitty, it's fame first, writing second. And it's better not to know you want to write until you become famous.

  7. Ok, I've arrived here smiling. That was a very entertaining post, thank you :-)

    As a fellow crusader I'm happy to have discovered your blog and I shall enjoy getting to know you during the crusade. Pleased to meet you!

  8. Your profound blogpost speaks volumes of truth about our society. Ah well, at least I know that the decline of western civilization started in my lifetime with Bieber followers and Jersey Shore.

  9. Waving to a fellow crusader! Fun post - here (England) we have a *celebrity* called Jordan who is in her early 30s and on her 4th memoir, written by someone called Rebecca.

    Psst...I've met Chuck Norris and, though a sweetheart, I don't think I could grant him full caps status.

  10. ha ha ha this slayed me, very funny stuff.
    Altho i wont put Bieber that adorable kid in the same hair category as Trump or Snooki, infact if trump saw this post and you lumped him in with Snooki he could turn you into the next rosie o'donnell.
    Guess what is playing on the radio? a bieber ad he really is everywhere.
    Am off to write a memoir for my son he has distinct hair and loves to dance - its never too early to start.

  11. Oh man. Save us all. Justin Bieber's book has series potential. *goes off and dies*

  12. Waiting for Volumes 2, 3, 4, and 5--probably all published next year!

  13. LOL! For one brief second, I didn't know you were being tongue-in-cheek and I was worried. Thought you had come down with some plague.

  14. I wish I were famous then it would be easier.... :(

  15. If only people didn't buy these books...

  16. LOL. For a moment I thought "Bieber? Seriously? Ack!" but then I read the rest of the post . . .

  17. @ Tony, thanks for visiting. Glad you enjoyed the post. Nice to meet another cruasader!

    @ Michael, I think The Jersey Shore and a Bieber memoir might mark the end of civilization!

    @ Margo, I don't think I've heard of Jordan. She sounds busy - or at least her ghost writer is busy.

    @ Joanna, you could be your child's ghostwriter. That's perfect! Almost like he'd written it himself.

    I don't want to get on Trump's bad side!

    @ Shannon, I'm glad you liked it. Great new profile picture!

    @ Melissa, sorry to break the bad news.

    @ Bossy Betty, ha! Are you pre-ordering?

    @ Katherine, I'm plague-free. I hope. Glad it made you laugh.

    @ Len, we all did this wrong, didn't we? Should've gotten famous and then started writing!

    @ Liz, I agree. Every time a famous person writes a book, I cringe.

    @ The Golden Eagle, I'm glad you stayed with the post!

  18. My 8-year-old daughter actually complained to our local book store owner yesterday when we went in and that Justin Beiber book was on display. They actually laughed and took it down, at least while we were in the store :)

  19. Did Snooki not have an editor? Someone needs to get fired!

  20. Hahahaha! Funny post! I think the thing about the celebrity memoirs is that many of them probably won't even be sold in stores a few years from now. I think of it as being like "fad" fiction.

  21. So funny, Theresa! I'm waiting for homemaker memoirs to come back into fashion. The whole mid-section of my book would deal with laundry and carpool dilemmas.

  22. @ Solvang Sherrie, that's funny. I bet they put it right back up after you left because publisher pay big bucks for those displays!

    @ Susan, I should've linked this funny post that had other unbelievable quotes from her book. It's on my Facebook page from the other day.

    @ Neurotic Workaholic, I agree. These are not long-lasting works. Love your expression "fad fiction". It should catch on!

    @ Roxy, maybe those 6-word-memoir people can have a homemaker edition. "Laundry piled high. Can't see floor."

  23. It does frustrate me that famous people get their books published with no problems. They are already famous and don't need the money or exposure.

    Why can't they pick an upcoming newcomer?

  24. Oh Theresa I am devastated I was unable to check anything on your list. Is there any hope for me!!!

    Great post. Love the tongue in cheek of it. The whole Jersey Shore thing is totally beyond me. I guess researching is not the done thing. Should go back to my two stalled stories due to evasive historical information.

  25. Haha... too funny.. I loved it. Now I know why I'm not published yet... I failed to follow through on my last concert tour.

  26. THIS. WAS. FUNNY. Okay, I don't like writing in all caps, but really, this was very clever.

    Sadly, the three year olds in my class can sing his songs and they dance like teenagers!

    I have a goodie for you on my blog today!

  27. Mediocre talent as a musician (and I used the term musician lightly). Zero talent as a writer. How can this sort of 'work' be published. Ugh!

    ps - funny post ☺

  28. ah, sigh. The Beaver. :D Well, it's frustrating, yes, but at the same time, it keeps the wheels turning and there is a market for this type of stuff. Here's to sweet grapes~ ;p Happy V'day, hon!

  29. So funny! You definitely got my attention with the Snooki quote--that is crazy insane. Thanks for sharing! :)

  30. Great advice. Under the promotions part of my proposal, I will include concert at Madison Square Garden. And I will definitely tell my hairdresser to be creative at my next appointment.

  31. @ Aubrie, that's the part that bugs me too. Not everyone needs to write a book or design a line of clothing because they sing songs. Leave that to writers and designers!

    @ Ann, I'm sorry you can't check anything off the list. Do your best!

    @ WritingNut, it's never too late. Let me know when your tour is going to hit Boston.

    @ The Words Crafter, I don't mind Bieber singing (though it ain't my kind of music). It's the book "writing" that gets me.

    @ Elembeee, I keep waiting for publishers to stop offering these big contracts. But they haven't stopped yet.

    @ LTM, you're right - there is a market for his book. However, I heard Snooki's isn't selling as well.

    @ Verity, I'd like to think if Snooki was a student in my Social Studies class, she'd never write such a bad quote!

    @ Missed Periods, make sure to take a picture of the new hair look. How high can you go?

  32. Oh, Bieber! In his defense though, I think all people are legally obligated to capitalize the name CHUCK NORRIS every time it is typed.

    You did leave out the hilarious pun in the title of Snooki's book. It's called "A Shore Thing." Her ghostwriter was really working overtime on that one.

  33. LOL! Too funny. (And too true, in many ways.)

    It may be about the brand, but what about when the popularity of that brand fades and all that's left is a book that will never be revisited? THAT isn't the kind of book I want to write and since I know what you want to write too, Theresa, I'm going to guess you feel the same. :o)

    Thanks for the laugh!

  34. @ Lisa, I did leave out A Shore Thing - so clever. I didn't want to take away from the historically accurate quote.

    @ Jackee, I don't want to write a book like that. I wish more people didn't want to read books like that!

  35. Hiya, buddy crusader! I'm making the rounds today and checking out your blog. Nice to meet you, and Happy Friday! :)

    Artzicarol Ramblings

  36. Hey Theresa, thanks for stopping by my little cyber home. I'm now a follower!