Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Fracture and Fortitude



Isn’t this a gorgeous cover?


       A subject many women don’t talk about, but have experienced, is a miscarriage.  Susan Oloier has written a novel, Fractured, which tackles this difficult and painful topic.

       Even if you miscarry after knowing about your pregnancy for only a week or two, it’s still devastating.  For those who want to have a baby, that wonderful potential to bring a human being into the world is lost in an instant.  All that hope… vanished.  And if the pregnancy lasts longer—near the second trimester—women experience labor and heavy bleeding.  Many wind up in the emergency room.  That’s what happened to me. 

       I’ve never written publically about my miscarriage.  I don’t think I’m ready to provide the details even though it was 11 years ago.  A year later, almost to the day, I gave birth to my daughter, who’s about to turn 10.  I know that I wouldn’t have her.  The lovely girl I know wouldn’t exist if I’d had that baby.  But it doesn’t take away the physical and mental anguish of that day, which I still remember in vivid detail.  I’d never been so alone. 


Someday I’ll be brave enough to share my story.

Like Susan was brave enough to use her losses to write her novel.


But her book is about more than miscarriage:

"When Anna Kincaid has a miscarriage, her world comes crashing to a halt. Grief overwhelms her life, and she combats it with prescription medication. Her husband Lloyd does not see the event as tragic. In fact, not ready to be a father, he is relieved at the news. This creates a chasm in their marriage and splits them apart. Both Anna and Lloyd find themselves moving in different directions. Anna finds hope in a young, male colleague named Ben and comfort in her narcotics. Lloyd loses himself in work. Will their marriage survive the miscarriage, or will it always remain fractured?"


Susan Oloier’s book is available:


and




Leave a comment and be entered to win a copy of the ebook Fractured.  Leave a link about where you shared it (Twitter, Facebook, etc) and you’ll be receive extra entries.

Good luck!


You can visit Susan at her  BLOG. 

112 comments:

  1. I can't imagine suffering something like that. I hope that writing about miscarriage helped Susan come to terms with what happened. And I hope the same for you, Theresa - even writing without sharing it with other people might help?

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    1. Annalisa, thanks for the comment. In the years after it happened, I thought of writing and submitting the story to a woman's magazine. But I wasn't a writer then. (At least, that's what I told myself to keep talking myself out of writing.) I'd like to write it with a purpose--have a place to submit it.

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  2. Miscarriage is so common, but we don't write about it. Maybe it would be easier to deal with if we did.

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    1. Tonja, I think so too. Pregnant women are unprepared for how common it is. And when I got to the 8-week mark, my chances dropped to 5%. I wasn't prepared to lose the fetus a few weeks later.

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  3. Sounds like a powerful book. I've had several friends miscarry and it's a devastating event. So incredibly hard.

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    1. Jemi, all sorts of scenarios related to children challenge relationships. It's good that Susan wrote about a strain on a relationship we don't often read about.

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  4. Sounds like an intense book. Love the cover. Thanks for sharing a bit about your own experience. I waited too long to even get pregnant but adopted our wonderful daughter. Please let someone else win. My TBR stack is way too big right now.

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    1. Natalie, I think adopting is a terrific option.

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  5. Theresa...

    Firstly, I totally heart Susan and her book. So proud of her. I can't imagine suffering through a miscarriage. As you know, I have four children. No major issues with my first three pregnancies. Then I got pregnant with my fourth and everything that could have gone wrong did. I didn't lose him, although I almost did at 8 weeks. I was ordered to total bed rest for two weeks, not knowing if I was still pregnant or not.

    Share your story when you feel the time is right for you. You are a true hero.

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    1. SA Larsen, that must've been a scary time for you. I'm glad you and your child got through it.

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  6. Sounds like an emotional read. I had a very early miscarriage and it riles me that doctors give it the rather jolly name of a "chemical pregnancy." Losing a baby is losing a baby, no matter what the stage. I commend Susan for being brave enough to channel her grief into her writing. Big congrats on the release!

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    1. JC Martin, I've heard "chemical pregnancy" too. It must mean something as far as development, but it's not kind for the pregnant woman. I think doctors try to minimize it to make the pregnant feel better, but that clearly won't work.

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  7. What a brave story to write, delving into personal pain. Many things like that aren't talked about enough yet these woman go on hurting.

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    1. Laura, I think the best part of writing is so readers can know they're not alone. When I miscarried people said all the things that people say. It comes off trite. I wound up calling a woman in the playgroup I'd joined at the library. She's miscarried around the same # of weeks pregnant as I'd been. That was the best phone call I ever made.

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  8. I've been through a still birth and it was the most devastating event of my life. Still hard to talk about. I appreciate you spotlighting this book and I am going to go visit there-

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  9. Shelly, that's too awful. I'm so sorry. I have tears in my eyes thinking about what you've gone through. I knew someone else who had multiple miscarriages and a still born. It took her 13 years from her healthy first born until her second healthy born. I thought she was so brave to keep trying.

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  10. I plan to get this book. I too know how devastating a miscarriage is. My son would have been twelve this year.

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    1. J.L. Campbell, I'm sorry you miscarried. And I'm sure you carry that knowledge with you fairly often. Take care.

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  11. the number of women who've had them is amazing, and you dont know until someone says something! i had one while my hub was out of town, before we had cell phones. it was a miracle i got ahold of him.

    the hardest part was going back to school and not being pregnant. i didnt want to talk about it with my students and thank goodness we were about to switch classes at semester. i was lucky to find a friend to talk with about it at the time. now i have 3 big boys =)

    thanks for sharing this!

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    1. Tara, oh, I'm so glad you reached your husband. When the people at work know, it is awkward. You don't want to act upset, but it's upsetting to keep having people say something. Good to know you then had 3 boys.

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  12. Thanks, Theresa, for hosting me today. And thank you to everyone who has shared personal stories or the stories of those they are close to. My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced a loss or challenge of this kind. When we share, then we're no longer alone.

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    1. Susan, you are so right. This sharing is cathartic. I'm glad you wrote about how miscarriage can affect a relationship. And I'm glad you asked me to be a part of your book tour.

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  13. Oh goodness, what a heartbreaking description to a book. I'm going to have to pick that one up. My mother had a miscarriage before me. I can't help asking if I would have been born. Either way, it's incredibly sad. You have wonderful strength to have written this post.

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    1. Juliana, my mother had a miscarriage early on when I was 10 months old. She didn't have another child until I was nearly 6. I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a sibling close in age. I know I wouldn't have had my daughter if I'd miscarried. I can't image not having her!

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  14. It happened to me twice, at almost 11 weeks each time. Even though the first one was almost 20 years ago, it still feels like yesterday.

    My heart goes out to anyone who has gone through this, and has the courage to write about it. Thanks for blogging about this book!

    bru

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    1. Bru, I'm sorry you experienced that twice. The further along you are, the more of an ordeal it becomes. I also recall my day in vivid detail.

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  15. Looks like a great book, Theresa, I hope it does well and brings healing:)
    I've been there too, it is a lonely harrowing experience. It still irritates me when people casually remark on the big gap between my two children's ages, a gap that should have been filled with another child, but nature intervened.

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    1. Brigid, so many people say the wrong thing. It amazes me that people can pry like that. I got pregnant quickly afterwards, which helped heal. I imagine it's that much harder if you can't get pregnant for years.

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    2. So many people said things that were inadvertently hurtful after my miscarriages. In fact, I included some of that in the book. I'm sorry you've had to experience that, Brigid.

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  16. Wow, this sounds like a powerful book. I have family who've been through this.

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    1. Jess, I'm sure many people can relate to this book personally.

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  17. Oh Theresa! :-( I am so sorry. Big big hugs to you!

    Fractured sounds like an utterly emotionally cathartic read! Good luck Susan and all the best! take care
    x

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    1. Old Kitty, they say a true relationship weathers the difficult times. I can see how miscarriage can take its toll on a couple.

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  18. Theresa, I'm so sorry for your loss and while you can take great pleasure and healing in your daughter, it doesn't negate the other painful experience. I am friends with Susan and can't wai to get my hand onher book!

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    1. Tracy, I have heard high praise for the book.

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  19. I'm sorry about what happened to you. I can't even imagine what that would be like.
    It does sound like an interesting topic for a book, especially because of how it affects the main character's marriage. I've never written about parenting or pregnancy, because those are two things I know nothing about. I think that both experiences are really unique, though, because they make people stronger.

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    1. Neurotic Workaholic, I think even women who haven't experienced this would benefit by knowing. The percentage of women who have miscarried at least once is high, even though most do have children at some point.

      It is hard to write a topic I don't know about as well.

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    2. I agree. I wouldn't have been able to write this story without my own experiences with miscarriage.

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  20. The book sounds like a powerful read. I have a friend who has gone through something similar and thank goodness she found peace, though it took some time.

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    1. Lynda, I'm glad your friend found peace. Society isn't set up to help those who miscarry grieve properly.

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    2. I agree, Theresa. We have to find our own ways to cope.

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  21. Hi Theresa,

    It's heartbreaking to read about losses but to read about the loss of a baby is especially harrowing.

    This book sounds something I'd like to read.

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    1. Romance Book Haven, if you get the book, I hope you are impressed with it as others have been.

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  22. Such a heartbreaking thing as miscarriage. My grandmother had one, and she didn't mention it to her children until they were adults.

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    1. Cherie, I wonder how her children felt knowing all those years later. My son knew because when I first knew something was wrong, he was home with me. And he knew I was pregnant because I was past the likelihood of miscarriage period.

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    2. Cherie, My grandmother didn't tell anyone about her miscarriage until I had my first and shared with her. Even fifty years after the loss, she was emotionally impacted.

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  23. My sister has experienced two miscarriages, one was twins. I can't imagine the pain of losing a life. She is a tough woman and has 4 other beautiful children though.

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    1. Heather, once you've decided it's a baby and all those ideas for the future, it's hard. I'm glad your sister has other children.

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    2. All of these stories show how common the loss of a child during pregnancy is. Most women I know don't talk about it without prompting, which is so sad.

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  24. I've a friend that had one of deer twins die in video, but had to carry it to term for the sake of th either, I cannot imagine the pain, and it is honestly something we don't acknowledge enough how devastating this is. The k you for your brave post on the experience.

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    1. mmshaunakelley, I can't imagine how hard that was for your friend. All we can think is that we're lucky to live in a time when we lose most through miscarriage rather than the first year of life.

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    2. What a heartbreaking thing to go through.

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  25. Props to Susan and her bravery! We lost three along the way so I can relate to her story.

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    1. Stephen, I'm sorry. It's not easy for the men either.

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    2. Men are often the overlooked ones through the loss. I'm sorry, too, Stephen.

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  26. One of my great-aunts had quite a difficult time having children. I think she may have had up to three miscarriages and perhaps a stillbirth. However, she now has a teenage daughter and two adopted little boys.

    My grandmother also had a miscarriage with her third pregnancy, a boy. It is a strange feeling to think about the people these lost babies could have been, knowing they never had a chance to be.

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    1. Brooke, thanks for sharing your family's experience. That's a perfect way of putting it: "...these lost babies that could have been, knowing they never had a chance to be."

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  27. That's a tough and brave story to tell. I'd like to have a baby someday. Maybe I'll look into renting a womb or something in California for thirty thousand dollars. Or adopting a baby from Kenya. When you're gay, having a baby is basically a 100,000 dollar venture. You gotta cover all medical bills, insurance...everything...place pay for the surrogate.

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    1. Michael, adoption options are so expensive. And there are so many children who need homes. It doesn't make any sense. I hope something happens for you when the time is right.

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    2. I hope so, too. I don't understand why adoption has to be so expensive when there are so many wonderful parents-to-be out there.

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  28. Susan is very brave. I didn't understand the devastation until it happened to me. I'm still mourning. I still tear up at a song, or a post like this.

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    1. Janet, when Susan approached me about the guest post, I teared up just thinking about sharing my story. It's something I will carry with me always. I'm sorry you bear it too.

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    2. Janet, I am so sorry for your pain. Writing has definitely helped me work through my grief. Plus, time has also alleviated a lot of the acute feelings of loss. I hope for every woman who experiences miscarriage and loss to someday find peace. We never, ever forget, though.

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  29. Wow. I'm so sorry. Sounds like a powerful book.

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  30. That is a tough thing to share. I'm sorry about what these parents go through with their losses.

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    1. Medeia, I think so too. But it should be more out in the open.

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  31. wow. I haven't heard of this book. Before January of this year, I'd never had a miscarraige. Unfortunately we went in for the 14 week ultrasound only to find out his little heart stopped beating just a few days before. I had to go in and have a d&c and I know I'll probably never be the same.

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    1. I'm so sorry for your loss and what you've gone through. I can definitely relate. With my first pregnancy, I had seen the baby's heartbeat and was 12 weeks along. I know I'm not the same. But I like to think I'm a better person because of my experiences.

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    2. Creepy Query Girl, that is just awful. I'm so very sorry. Like you and Susan, I'm not the same either. Nobody who experiences something like that will ever be the same.

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  32. Wow, that is a tough topic. Kudios to Susan for writing about it.

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  33. It must have been tough for Susan to revisit her experience while writing this book. Sounds a powerful read. Thanks Theresa.

    Riya

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    1. Romance Reader/Riya, I think it sounds like a powerful read too. Thanks for commenting.

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  34. Thank you for the info on this book and the intro to Susan. I agree, this is a topic that is largely ignored, yet needs to be addressed.

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    1. Karen, I'm surprised I haven't seen more about it. Even when I was reading pregnancy magazines, there was little mention.

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  35. I don't need to enter the contest but just wanted to say it's a brave topic for a blog post and a novel. I agree with everyone else that it would surely help a lot of women if people talked about it more openly.

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    1. LR, this is what I love about books. When my kids were young, I'd always look for picture books to address things that troubled them or that they wanted to know more about. It works for adults too.

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  36. Thanks for featuring this book, Theresa. I will definitely be reading this novel. I had two miscarriages, many years ago, before I had my three sons. I appreciate your courage in tackling this topic!

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    1. Victoria, thanks for sharing your losses. Susan helped me get a courage to mention it publicly.

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  37. What a haunting cover. It's perfect for the theme of the novel.

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    1. Cleemckenzie, it is a haunting cover. Agreed.

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  38. Thank you for sharing your story Theresa. This is a topic that has touched so many people I love. I'm sure it took a lot of heart for Susan to write this.

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    1. Leslie Rose, how sad that it's touched so many. I agree, it did take Susan a lot of heart to write this book.

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  39. This subject must touch nearly every woman's heart. I can see how the tragedy would fracture a relationship.

    http://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.com/

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    1. Francene, I agree. What a pressure to have to deal with for a couple that didn't want the same thing especially.

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  40. A very emotional subject. I think most women would sympathise with a character suffering a miscarraige, even without experiencing it themselves.

    Sorrow about your own loss.

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    1. Patsy, it's certainly a way to make the protagonist sympathetic.

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  41. What a painful subject to experience. My condolences, because even this many years later, I can tell it is still a heartache. How brave of Oloier to write about it.

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    1. Elizabeth, I think it's always a little hole we carry around. I think Oloier was brave too.

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  42. It's a beautiful cover and sounds like a read I'd enjoy. Thanks for telling me about it.

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    1. M Pax, thank you for visiting. I'm sure Susan's own experiences will make the writing more vivid even if it's fiction.

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  43. This has to be a very wonderful book, especially for those who have went through this painful experience. Theresa, my friend, I am sorry you had to go through this. But writing about it could help. I'll definitely order this book. Thank you Susan! Thank you Theresa!

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  44. Robyn, I couldn't agree more. Hope you like the book. Thank YOU, Robyn!

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  45. A difficult and emotive subject and I love how this book has taken the experience from both points of view. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Rebecca, definitely a difficult subject. I'm lucky my husband was supportive. It would be difficult to feel like a person was going through it alone.

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  46. Wow...Susan's book sounds really moving. I'm going to see if I can download it on my nook....

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  47. Thank to everyone who posted a comment to Theresa's blog and for sharing experiences. Many, many thanks to Theresa for hosting me and for sharing the book. Writing it definitely helped in the healing process: I had two miscarriages in one year and was fortunate to discover an online presence in Silent Grief. The women there helped me to open up about my own experiences and move through the pain.

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  48. I had never thought about it, but you're absolutely right. A miscarriage is something so many women go through and it's so traumatic, yet I've never read about it or seen it portrayed in a movie.

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    1. Missed Periods, maybe there should be more representation on screen.

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  49. A difficult topic, but one worth telling because it helps spread love, sympathy, and understanding. Thank you for sharing this book.

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    1. Julie, what a wonderful way to put it. Thanks.

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  50. I cannot imagine going through that. You are brave to even share what you did. Sounds like a really intense book, especially when you add in the affair and the drugs.

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    1. Alexia, I agree. I'm sure it was hard for Susan to write.

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  51. what a tragedy for you and your family. Thank you for giving this book a shout out. Brave and intense post!

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    1. TerryLynnJohnson, I think Susan was brave to get into details. I would have a hard time describing more about the actual day.

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  52. That cover caught my eye, as well as your heartfelt post! Oh yeah, I know all too well. The story sounds great. ((((hugs)))

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  53. Christina, I'm sorry you know this subject all too well. Hugs to you.

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