Sunday, March 3, 2013

Deluge



The sky’s
Blue hue
When we’d
Entered
The restaurant
Transformed
To thick
Black clouds,
So
We quicken pace.

First drops
Splash down.
We shriek
We run
But we cannot
Outrun
The rain,
So you
Grab
Your umbrella.

I gaze
Your face
Sprinkled
With drops
As you fumble
The latch.
I quake.
The top
Pops
Open. Shelter.

Huddling
You and
I, we
Giggle.
Two girls trembling.
I feel
Abloom
With you.
My
Heart beats faster.

Our eyes
Padlock,
I freeze,
Inhale.
You, me. The rain.
Pitter
Patter.
Your lips
Reach
For mine. Soft, sweet.

I pull
Away.
Exhale.
Confused.
Your eyes wounded,
You pull
Away.
Lost
Moment. Undone.

You give
Me your
Shelter.
Hands brush.
No words spoken.
I want.
I can’t.
I don’t.
You
Retreat rain-soaked.







61 comments:

  1. Heyya, my pal! I love this. The entire poem is filled with excellent imagery. That ending is PERFECT! I want to put something on magpietales and I will soon. Didn't I tell you I was writing haiku?? When I think I'm ready I want to post one. I love writing them. Fun! (((hugs))) xo

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    1. Robyn, thank you. I just changed "alive" to "abloom." Now I'll leave this poem alone! You didn't tell me you were writing haiku. Yes, please, post one. Other Magpie writers have done haiku. Pretty poetry form good exercise for the brain.

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  2. This is beautiful. I love what you've done with such few, precise words. You're really talented, Theresa.

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    1. Natalie, thank you. It means a lot to me. I can't judge my poetry, so it's pure bravery that has me posting it.

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  3. You do a lot with a little; I like this.

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  4. Skillful, adept and not all that far from masterful...

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    1. Berowne, wow, what a compliment. Thank you.

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  5. nice poem this one - made me think about all the times i've been out cycling and got caught in the rain

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    1. Don't Feed the Pixies, that has happened to my husband many times.

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  6. Just so lovely. I am not a poetry writer, but reading your pieces makes me want to try.

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    1. Shelly, thank you. Your stories are moving, so you should give poetry a whirl.

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  7. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Awwwwwwwwwwww! :-(

    So sad and so romantic! So passionate and so painful! Love it!! Yay! Take care
    x

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    1. Old Kitty, thank you! I hope the girl changes her mind.

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  8. The effect of broken sentences is most profound. One gets engrossed right until the end without realizing it. Nicely Theresa!

    Hank

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    1. Hank, thank you. I was trying to imitate raindrops at the same time I wanted to move the reader down through the text.

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  9. That was wonderful! Such a scene you created - I loved it.

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  10. There's nothing like a nice rain :)

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  11. LR, a nice rain is nice. I hope you're doing well.

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  12. Theresa this is amazing! So beautifully written. The images of the rain are lovely and real, and the emotion is so believable - wonderful! :)

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    1. Susanna, thank you. Your comment means a lot.

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  13. That was beautifully written. Well done.

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  14. Beautiful, Theresa, brimming with emotion, and the rhythm is perfect. This reminds me of why I love words, and it's a perfect example of why less is more. Whether poetry or narrative, quantity can never trump the impact of the "right" word.

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    1. VR Barkowski, writing poetry has really helped me take a "less is more" approach to longer pieces. Thank you.

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  15. You created this moment very vividly and captured the emotions well. A very interesting scenario which came across with realism.

    Lee
    Writers Workshop
    An A to Z Co-host blog

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    1. Arlee, thank you. The idea is a based on a scene in a longer piece I plan to write. I hope writing it in the form of poetry first will make it easier to capture the scope of the situation later.

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  16. Nice. I got visual with emotion. =)

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    1. Michael, thank you. Your praise means a lot.

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  18. Beautiful poem, Theresa.

    I don't know why it says my comment has been saved. I haven't submitted it yet.

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    1. Medeia, I only see this comment here. Thank you!

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  19. Beautiful - you evoke such strong emotions with such a beautiful rhythm!

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  20. Great job. You are on a poetic roll here, Theresa.

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  21. I like this one, especially the actual shape of the word blocks on the page, they look like the falling raindrops of a deluge. I'm partial to the word "transform"...Transformers, y'know...

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    1. the late phoenix, that's the look I was trying to convey. Thanks for noticing.

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  22. I too, like the format, with the words trickling down the page. Adds the whole sensory experience. :)

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    1. *Adds to* the whole sensory experience. :)

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    2. Karen, I'm trying to take so much into account with my poetry. I hope I'm improving.

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  23. I love this! love all the imagery and the story that goes with it. what a poet you are, T!
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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  24. Your poetry is awesome, Theresa! Have a great weekend.

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    1. Victoria, thank you very much. You have a great weekend too.

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  25. This is beautifully written . . . so sweet and so sad . . .

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    1. ishallbeatoad.com, thank you. I appreciate it.

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  26. Love the rain soaked retreat in the last line, even if it sad...

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  27. I posted a comment, but I don't think it went through; just in case I'm posting it again. Anyway, I'm sorry for the people who lost their homes. That must be so traumatic. And these lines really speak to people's fears and doubts. They also show what can happen when people think everything will be okay but then it turns out to be the complete opposite.

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    1. Neurotic Workaholic, I saw this comment on the other post. Thank you.

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  28. Wow! You really are a renaissance woman--who can write (heartfelt) poetry too!

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    1. Samantha, thanks. I appreciate it. What you call "renaissance" I called "scattered." ; )

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