Thursday, September 23, 2010



Today is the day of the mouth-watering Blogfeast hosted by Jaded Love Junkie .

My short entry is from my YA fantasy The Mist Chasers.

Here’s a description of the story:

Eve and her best friend Adam are the sole witnesses to a mysterious mist that obliterates a Walmart. Walmart is the first of many disappearances. While Eve and Adam are trying to find the source of the mist, Eve finds out Adam has a thing for her. The problem is, she has a thing for Brad.

This excerpt is from the day after the first McDonalds disappears in Eve’s town:

Two all beef patties

Special sauce

Lettuce, cheese”

A bunch of kids from choir stood up during lunch, with their hands over their hearts for an impromptu tribute song for the demise of McDonalds. I sat at a table by myself because Adam was nowhere to be seen. He’d refused to acknowledge my existence in class, even though I tried to make eye contact. I attempted to catch him in the hallway after science, but he’d disappeared in the crowd. In my attempt to just be friends, did I lose a friend?

Another student sat down across from me and looked at the chorusing students and said, “Don’t they know that Burger King is just down the road from where McDonalds used to be? It’s not like they’ll never eat another fast food burger again.”

When I realized who was talking to me, my heart stopped for a few seconds. He smiled his trademark smile, like he was in a tooth-whitening commercial, and I smiled back. It was Brad, one of the hottest guys in my grade, who had smiled at me in Math class. Years ago, Adam teased me for liking a football player. “You don’t even like football,” he reminded me. “You’d be bored.”

Adam had a point. Besides, everyone knew football players only hung out with other football players and cheerleaders - it was like some unwritten rule. For all I knew, maybe it was written somewhere. There were some exceptions, but not many and none seemed to last very long. What would happen when we graduated high school? Would we be allowed to associate with just anyone?

I grasped at something witty to say to Brad. “Burger King doesn’t have those tasty little onions on their burgers.” Passable.

“But Burger King flame-broils! It tastes much better,” he made a mock-wise face. So cute.

Blonde hair, always perfectly messed up - blue eyes that you could see a room away - muscular, but not too bulky. Was it obvious I was gawking? Normally I soaked in his beauty when I thought nobody was looking.

I came up with, “But they both microwave them anyway.”

He laughed. I forced a small chuckle.

Brad leaned over the table, giving me goose bumps. He whispered, “Notice how different everyone is being about McDonalds compared with Walmart?”

I leaned closer. “Yes. Why do you think that is?”

“Walmart is our parents’ store. This feels more personal.”

“Then why are they treating it like a joke?” I asked.

“My psychology teacher said people are getting used to it. The shock has worn off. We were expecting this to happen.”

“That’s true,” I admitted.

“There’s only one thing to do,” he said, with a cocked eyebrow.

“What’s that?”

“I’m taking you to Burger King.”

Hope you enjoyed it.

Please check out the other feasters:

Tomorrow, I’m going to have a post on BlogHer: BlogHer

Please come back for the direct link. Thanks!


  1. Heheh... That was fun.
    Nice to see a bit of the lighter side of this story.
    The real thing that makes burger king better than Mickey D's is Elvis.
    I mean one the one hand you have a manic clown and on the other you have the king. It's no contest right? ; j

  2. Ohh, but is it a date? I'm curious about this mist. Where is it coming from, how many buildings is it going to gobble up...WHY is it gobbling up buildings? And at what point to the adults freak out and institute curfews and the like?

    See what you did to me? All these questions...must keep reading. ;)

  3. Now I want some fries. Very cute. Love the end. Nice.
    What about this mist? I'm interested.

  4.'s funny how you put in the adult vs kid (walmart vs mc d's). That is so true.


  5. Ok, ok I believe you!! Brad is GORGEOUS!!! lol!!!

    This is a sweet and flirty piece - I enjoyed Eve's awkwardness in the face of such utter handsomeness - but I do like how conflicted she is as Adam lingers in the edges of her thoughts.

    Thanks for sharing, take care

  6. I like your idea of a mist overtaking these prominent, pop culture establishments. A very interesting commentary on society. Even though McDonald's is a "Hap-Hap Happy Place." :)

  7. I really enjoyed that extract, Theresa,
    I found myself attracted to Brad and burgers at the same time,
    nice background mystery going on too.

  8. Its fitting that I can see a Wal-Mart (with an McDonalds inside) while reading your short.

    I enjoyed it--thanks for sharing Theresa.

  9. The premise is very interesting. A mist taking over the major chains of America? Nice.

    My favorite line:

    “Walmart is our parents’ store. This feels more personal.”

  10. As someone whose day job is directly tied to Mickey D's, I'm saddened by the disappearance of one of their restaurants. :(
    However, I am gladdened by this fun piece. :D Thanks!

  11. Hi Theresa .. that was great .. a misty shroud zapping away the giants of commerce and fast food ..

    Interesting read .. thanks - Hilary

    PS - have lots of fun at today's Blogfeast ..

  12. Hi,

    Loved the descriptions here, and the light-hearted humorous touch!

    Nicely done.

  13. Ooo. . .I loved this. It leaves my mouth watering for more!

    Even Zombies Have Taste

  14. I loved this scene. I want more! Is 'Mist Chasers' available yet?

  15. what a fun read. I hope she doesn't lose Adam as her friend. Happy writing!

  16. Dude, I would go to BK with Brad. Just sayin'.

  17. Even though I don't 'do' fast food (Taco Bell doesn't count), if Elana's busy, I could take Brad to Burger King;0)

  18. @ Alesa, I think the story has a nice balance between the mist and the friendship-crush issue.

    I never connected BK to Elvis before.

    @ Vicki, it is a date.

    The buildings are disappearing overnight, so not much of a curfew issue. As for what happens, I hope this becomes a book and you can find out!

    @ Christine, if I can get an agent and publisher, then you can find out about the mist.

    @ Justine, I'm glad you think the McD vs. Walmart comparison worked.

    @ Old Kitty, this is another comment where I can tell you're a writer.

    Eve is definitely conflicted.

    @ Joanne, the mist is definitely targeting some big, popular places.

  19. Now I feel like a hamburger! This blogfest is going to make me fat! Love the chemistry between the two and you have an interesting premise here.


  20. @ Brigid, Brad, Burgers, and mystery - I hope it has something for everyone!

    @ Slamdunk, I'm glad you liked it. First all the Walmarts disappear, and now all the McDonalds. What will be next?

    @ Elena, I'm glad you find the premise interesting. And I'm happy to hear you like that line!

    @ j.leigh.bailey, I'm sorry to take away McDonalds since your day job is directed to them.

    @ Hilary, it was fun to come up with the idea and write it. Glad you enjoyed it.

    @ Madeleine, thanks for the comment.

  21. @ Francine, thank you for the complimentary compliment.

    @ Ellie, very blogfeast type of comment. Thanks!

    @ Sondrae, unfortunately, it isn't. I'm querying it now.

    @ Summer Ross, I hope this gets published so you can find out what happens between Adam and Eve.

    @ Elana, Brad has become very popular today.

    @ Cinette, all of this attention is going to Brad's head.

    @ Clarissa, thank you. Stick with virtual food and you'll be okay!

  22. Nice going there. Mist over American fast food temples. Great idea. I like these characters..:)

  23. Nicely done! We wish you the best of luck on your publishing journey! Although, since Erica's husband works for Wal-Mart, we hope it stays fictional (she needs to pay some bills!).

    Ooh, and you knew how to include the links at the bottom! We'll have to figure this out next time! (Thanks for commenting on ours today, too.)

  24. @ L'Aussie, glad you like the idea. I'm also happy to hear you like the characters.

    @ Erica and Christy, thank you. I hope it stays fictional too. Nobody wants murderous mist wreaking havoc around the world.

    I just cut and past. On Mac, apple c, apple v.

  25. Awkward high school crushes!!! The pain, the comedy, the innocence. I once had a crush on a really cute guy. I learned later what a jerk he was. I hope Brad isn't like that.

    You do dialogue so well! It was so natural reading it.

    Walmart-the parents' store. That's funny. MacDonald's is MINE.

    Huh-they were expecting it?

  26. I've loved these!!! What a great piece to share! I think this blog fest is awesome!!!

  27. Aww this was so fun to read! I've really enjoyed every excerpt of this story so far. :)

    Sorry I haven't been around here lately. Thanks for wishing me well on my blog -- I've missed you too and hope you've been doing well!

  28. @ The Words Crafter, thank you. Is Brad nice or a jerk? I hope the book gets published so you can find out!

    They were expecting another set of disappearances after the Walmarts disappeared.

    @ Jen, I think this is an awesome blogfeast too!

    @ Shelley, I'm glad you've enjoyed the excerpts from the story.

    Don't worry about not being around the blogosphere as much. I hope you're doing better too!

  29. Very well written -- I could feel the awkwardness of the protagonist, and the humor on top of something ominous. Great job!

  30. Hmmm, smart, charming and witty... How could she not be into Brad??? I really wanted to tell them "NO! It's not the burgers. Cry for the lost fries." I swear they put something in them, like crack or something.

    You have very natural dialogue, easy to picture. And your MC is so easy to empathize with. It's hard to deal with a friend who wants more than what you want to give or are ready to give.

    Thank you so much for joining my Blogfeast! So happy with the variety in the entries ;)

  31. The adult in me focused right away on: What would happen when we graduated high school? Would we be allowed to associate with just anyone?

    I liked how you showed the love interest here without overwhelming the scene with it.

    Very interestng set up.


  32. Eyes you could see a room away.

    I like it.

  33. Very cool. I totally wouldn't be sad if all of the big corporations just disappeared one day. Bring on the mist!

  34. @ Bryan, thank you for the complimentary comment

    @ Angela M, in an earlier scene, Adam mourns for the fries.

    Thank you for the nice words. Great blogfeast idea!

    @ Donna Hole, glad you liked the set up.

    @ Misser Periods, thanks!

    @ Lovy, the mist is popular.

  35. Theresa--That was super! I started reading it last night, but decided I wanted to wait until I was fresh and would fully remember it....I can't wait until it's a published book....I will buy a copy! I loved the humor, the awkwardness, the splash of romance, the friendship, the pop culture...the dialogue...

    Great job!

  36. Hahaha I laughed so hard with this! The ending was brilliant!
    Funny thing, you said wallmart and mist and I immediatelly remembered Stephen King`s the Mist. But thank god your miss is not so horrific!

  37. My appetite is officially whet! I loved this excerpt : )

    (by the way, I tagged you on my blog if you want to check it out!)

  38. I always preferred Burger King! The ending was a nice twist. Really enjoyed the read. And it is a testament to your story; I remembered reading previous excerpt posts. Wonderful.

  39. I got hungry reading, this, hahaha! I love the part 'In my attempt to just be friends, did I lose a friend?' I so love that part :) Another great post for you, Theresa! :)

  40. @ Sharon, thank you for the many, many compliments. It means a lot to me.

    @ Kari, a compliment and a tag. Thanks!

    @ Ann, I don't eat either anymore. Thank you for the nice comment.

    @ Len, it's hard when someone likes you but you don't like them back. It's even harder if you're not sure.

  41. This mist of yours could be very useful for other applications! lol

    I am so sorry for being a day late. I ashamedly forgot that I had entered this one. I have posted anyway, if you are so inclined.

  42. @ Wendy, thanks for visiting. I'll check out your entry today.