Thursday, September 2, 2010

Letter to my Spammers

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t want to buy Xenical.

I’m not in need of Rolex watches, even with a deep discount.

At the present time, I’m not trying to ENHANCE any part of my body.

You may say it’s natural.

And promise immediate results.

Of course, this has nothing to do with my post about my father

(This post seems to be your favorite one to spam)

Or writing.

It doesn’t even seem to be related to teaching.


Do you ever get orders by spamming my comments section?

Or anyone’s comments section?

How long does any blog master leave your comment?


And even if it stayed - your clumsy attempts at free advertising -

How many readers would attend your online university?

A few of you are oh so clever,

Creating a mishmash from previous comments in an attempt

To pretend you’ve read my post.

You know the one –

Where I poured my heart out.

But something about the comment doesn’t quite make sense.

And then there’s a little link.

And you hope I, anyone will hit “click”.

Since I don’t have Word Verification activated,

My blog’s defenses are down.

But I’d rather delete your solicitations afterwards

Than bog my commenters down with gibberish

To copy.

I could block you, Anonymous.

But I have friends who want to remain so.

And I will let them continue

To leave comments under the cloak of invisibility.

Who are you under the cloak?

Are you alone in a dirty apartment?

Maybe you have a day job,

And a program does the dirty work for you.

Perhaps you are a slew of workers

Stooped over PC’s in a spam factory.

I don’t know.

I don’t care.

I do know

That I

Will not

Nor will my readers


What you’re selling.

But I know you will keep trying

Because you don’t read what I write.

You don’t care about me.

You hope from somewhere,

Maybe halfway around the world

Or next door

That my comments section

Is a market

For your products.

It is not.

Though you are welcome to try.

And you will keep trying.

While I will continue

To hit



Theresa Milstein


I’ve revised my Mist Chasers query. Thank you to Edith Cohn: Edith's Page and Jackee: Winded Words .

Please check it out:

P.P.S. Don’t forget to enter my contest to win a signed/stamped copy of Mockingjay:


  1. Haha! Oh you should see the ones I get to enjoy!!!

  2. Hear, hear! (or is it Here, here! (?)--I never remember). But, yes, yes, yes. :D

  3. Funny.

    It has been weird for me how spammers seem to pick odd posts to leave their garbage comments too. There most popular target is a post that I did on a woman who was riding a bicycle across several states for charity. Why that post? I have no idea.

  4. Dead right Theresa,
    I get great pleasure pressing delete FOREVER when I get spam

  5. I have been trying to figure that out too. I guess they have homed-in on one keyword which by coincidence ended up in a post. I have a horse supply sales that literally spammed 10 posts a day for weeks. He used track-backs but I deleted them. I think he gave up now. Then I have the spammers that write 500 word paragraphs. Thank goodness for spam catchers like Askimet - this saves me alot of headaches:).

  6. Haha! Sounds like you got the same one from the guy who was so "touched" by a post he had to let me know what a great writer I was and how I resembled blah blah blah...only thing is there is no blah blah blah! Yeah, he was a Viagra rep. I have to "approve" comments so he didn't sneak through but he did burst my bubble ;)

  7. Yes, those spammers aren't making any money from me either. Why do they persist?

  8. I read somewhere that spammers make $4000 a day. I don't get it. From who? How? It's crazy. I don't have word verif and don't get them, maybe once in 3 months. Don't know why some blogs get so many and others not.

  9. I don't get spammers on my blog because I do use word verification. But my email is littered with all the above. Hey people the name is Ann..I don't have that body part.

  10. Nice job Theresa, definitely well said!!! I had trouble with spammers the minute I took my password verification thingy off, so unfortunately all my fab followers have to really want to leave me something nice!!

    Bahaha, while typing this I read Ann's comment and I'm rolling on the floor laughing "I don't have that body part" you think they'd know!

  11. Oh I so love this post, Theresa! :)

  12. @ Deborah, I can only imagine what your spams say! I had a period of time when I was getting several a day. Now I'm getting one or two. Still, it's annoying.

    @ Alesa, someone had to do it!

    @ J.leigh.bailey, I just checked to make sure. It's, "Hear, hear!"

    @ Slamdunk, that's a funny post for spammers to choose. Their favorite of mine is "Honoring my Father on Mother's Day". They're sentimental, I guess.

    Wouldn't it be ironic if THIS POST becomes their favorite?

    @ Brigid, I enjoy deleting too. The funny thing is sometimes I get e-mails regarding a post, but they don't actually put the spam in the comments section. I guess they want to be more private.

  13. @ Elena, maybe he was touched by your post AND thought you needed Viagra.

    I had a sophisticated smammer I thought was just a commenter. Alesa had to let me know. Duh, me!

    @ Paul C, I has the same question, but KarenG just answered it!

    @ Karen, 4K?! Maybe I should be spamming instead of writing. So far, I've only earned one $50 gig writing, two free columns, and one guest post.

    Need a discounted watch? Enhancement of any sort? To slim down? For me to put money in your bank account because I'm really a rich prince in need of some place to stash my millions?

    @ Ann, you made me laugh. I'm telling EVERYONE about your comment.

    @ Jen, it's obvious from Ann's picture, I think. Maybe they're hoping someone in her life is looking for a little... something extra.

    @ Len, thanks! It was fun to write. Let's hope the spammers don't take revenge! Maybe they have a sense of humor?

  14. Oh yes, I hear you on that. I took word verification off to make it wasier for people to comment. I got so much spam I put it back on again. *SNIFF*
    I even got some on twitter yesterday. Who do they think will buy their stuff!

  15. Beautiful, Theresa! Just what I wanted to say to those doing the same on my blog, only wasn't clever enough to say it. :-)

  16. Booo to anonymous spammer(s)!!! A plague on their houses!!


    Unfortunately they always tend to be quite organised group/gang like those horrid email spammers!! But they're just annoying!! Ignore adversity is what I say!!

    Take care

  17. I don't get a lot of spam but I do love your letter to spammers.


  18. Love this post.

    I don't get a lot of spam either but I DO get little ads on the side of facebook with comments like "39 and Fat?" "Biological Clock Ticking?"


  19. @ Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella), you can get spam on Twitter too? What a pain.

    @ Selena, I'm sure you could come up with something clever.

    @ Talli, thanks!

    @ Elana, I view a comment as an addendum, so you're signed!

    @ Old Kitty, in this case, we'll ignore and DELETE adversity!

    @ Clarissa, it's good you don't receive too many spams. It seems to be hit and miss, appearing to have nothing to do with following. It must be key words or maybe even random. Mine # per day isn't terrible, but it's annoying nonetheless.

    @ Clutterbug, I get "Want to substitute teach?" as if that's alluring. Today, I got "Want to be a make up artist?" Don't know where that came from. My sister is a make up artist, but they don't know that, do they? Hmmm....

  20. I like it! It's direct and mysterious without being vague or revealing. Well done!

  21. Nothing is worse than crappy spam. Ughhh... it's a pain in the rear!!! Love your rant though!!

  22. You tell 'em baby! They pick on one of my older posts which is about a recipe for a sandwich filling, for heaven's sake! Come on!

  23. hi miss theresa! i didnt ever get any spamers on my blog yet. i hope i dont. is that how come sometimes i see where it says a commebt got deleted by a administrator? i didnt know you could delete out a comment. i hope those spammers read your cool letter and it makes them stay away.
    ...hugs from lenny

  24. But, it must work, right? That's why the spammers keep doing it. I want to know who it is that actually buys these cheap Rolexes and natural body enhancements from these links.

  25. That's right, show 'em who's boss!

  26. This was informative!(i've never had any) You tell them!

  27. @ The Words Crafter, you're talking about my query, right? Thanks!

    @ Katie, I'm glad you enjoyed my rant.

    @ Bossy Betty, maybe there's something about sandwich filling which screams... never mind.

    @ Lenny, when you see a comment deleted like that, the blog owner did it, but didn't take the extra step to hit "Delete Forever" so it disappears altogether.

    I have noticed that Google/Blogspot deletes some spam before I get to it. Because the spam appears in my e-mail related to a specific blog post. But when I check the blog, it's gone.

    @ Missed Periods, Karen commented that the spammers make 4k per day. So I'm thinking of going into a new line of work.

  28. @ Amanda, I just hope they don't take their spam arsenal out on me!

    @ Words A Day, glad they aren't bothering my Irish bloggers. I told you guys you're nice!

  29. Those Rolex people are relentless. Every single day I get a spammer from them. Luckily I haven't been hit on my blog yet, and I took down the word verification a couple weeks ago. *crossing fingers*
    Have a great weekend!

  30. That was GOLD, gold I tell ya! Damn those Rolex fu**rs!

  31. @ Erica, the Rolex people ARE relentless! Since I removed Word Verification, I get 1-3 per day. But it took them some time to find me!

    @ Clara, you're another one sick of Rolex spammers!

  32. what she said!

    great blog. Hey - I'm doing the 100 reading challenge too! Almost at 50. don't think I'll make it, but fun trying.

  33. @ Terry, I think I'm in the 30s. I started in July, which put me at a big disadvantage. If I'd known in January, I might've read more!

    50 - I'm impressed!

    @ Jenny, the Bloggess, I can't believe you posted a letter to a spammer today too. As I sad on your blog, yours is way funnier than mine!

  34. Hello from a fellow substitute teacher and writer :) Found you through Karen's BBQ Blog weekend celebration thingie!

    Looking forward to stopping in again to read about your substitute and writing adventures.

    If you get a chance, come by my photo writing prompt blog! It's still a baby blog, but I think it's turning in to a really great little community. We write short responses to the photo of the day.

  35. @ Demery Bader-Saye, you're my second substitute teacher this week. I love meeting writer-teachers! Thanks for following.

    I'm on my way to your blog right now.

  36. Read about you bringing garlic to KarenG's party, and just had to drop by, because I LOVE GARLIC.

    I don't even have an organ, but the spammers want me to enlarge it :-(

  37. @ Rayna, I love garlic too.

    HA! Spammers don't care whether or not we have an organ. They're so rude.

  38. I wonder who actually clicks on those things. I always picture spammers as people who have way too much time on their hands.

  39. @ Medeia, that's how I picture them too.

    It's so funny because I just opened my e-mail and a spam comment was posted, but Blogger deleted it already. Hooray, Blogger!

  40. I love this post. All the spam comments irritate me to no ends -- and really, I don't see the point of them.

  41. @ Sandy, I just had one where there person said, "Hi Yall," like I'm going to belive s/he is a nice casual commenter from the south.

  42. I'm sending your letter out to all those same spams I get too! :o)

    You're welcome for the q-crit. I'm off to check it out now.

    P.S. Cool picture with you and Suzanne Collins!!!!

  43. @ Jackee, thanks. I hope you like the new query.

  44. I couldn't agree more - you go, girl!! :-)

  45. That was great, Theresa! I'm so not technical...Do they work like computer generated phone calls? They just send out internet addresses and a message?

  46. BTW...I have some lovely watches for sale.


  47. @ Shannon, thanks! I love your new picture.

    @ Sharon, I have no idea how these spammers spam.

    Is it a Rolex? Discounted?

  48. Hi Theresa - dropping by from Karen G's BBQ party via another blog - oh dear I've lost track I've visited so many blogs in recent days! Lucky I'm on hols so can timewaste all I like in between trips to the dentist and baby christenings (grandddaughter) over the weekend and today. I see you also follow Ann at Inkpots n Quills - great to have met her in Ireland recently!
    All the best and hope you visit/follow my blog too.

  49. @ Catherine, sounds like you've been busy. Thanks for visiting!

    I met Ann in Ireland at the end of May. She's so nice, isn't she?

  50. Apparently there was a recent survey which revealed that spammers have a 1 in 12,000,000 success rate. Hardly seems worth it, uh?

    Have a nice day, Boonie

  51. @ Boonie, I think those might be the same stats as a writer becoming a published author. Hopefully the odds are a little better than getting a spam sale!

    Thanks for the comment.

  52. This is one post I have been wanting to write, but you beat me to it.
    But thankfully there are only a stray cases in my posts, and as you said DELETE. DELETE completely? YES.

  53. I don't get them so much any more on the blog but emails and emails galore! My favorite are the ones where a man tries to say he's royalty and exiled to another country and oh how he would love to have enough money to return home! LOL! Cracks me up. I mean, seriously? Does anyone even buy that stuff any more?

  54. @ Haddock, I just got a spam on this and was going to leave it because I thought it was funny that it came on this post, but Blogger deleted it!

    @ Hannah, E-mails used to drive me crazy but Yahoo and Gmail have gotten good about deleting those.

    Those exiled royals! So many of them!