Sunday, August 5, 2012

Anticipation and Experience


“A great source of calamity lies in regret and anticipation; therefore a person is wise who thinks of the present alone, regardless of the past or future.”

- Oliver Goldsmith


       My childhood was filled with negative dog experiences.  My maternal grandfather had a “crazy” dog.  I remember hearing him, sequestered in the basement, barking and scratching. My aunt had a French poodle that jumped when people first came into the room.  Imagine 4-year-old me looking at a large dog with its paws on my shoulders.  When I was 6, a dog chased my friend and me down a driveway.  My friend was faster.  The dog bit my calf. 

But my paternal grandmother had a nice Beagle mix.


       My daughter LOVES dogs.  When she was 2-years-old and full of Shirley Temple curls, she’d tell a giant golden retriever to sit in what she thought was a tough voice.  It didn’t work.  If that same dog passed by and knocked her down, she’d laugh.

Over the years, she begged for a dog. 

       I said, “I’d rather have another kid.  At least they’re potty trained after 2-3 years.”

       At some point my husband said, “Of course we’ll get a dog.” I told him it would be harder than he thought and that my daughter would do less than he believed. 

       The two of them broke me down. I agreed to get a dog once we’d moved to a bigger place and she was 10.


We moved in June.

She turned 10 in July.

Damn…


I had a long dog wish list:

Not too big
Not too energetic
Doesn’t drool
Doesn’t bark
Doesn’t lick
Doesn’t jump
Doesn’t shed
Needs little grooming
Has a BIG bladder


I knew dogs would be a mix of breed, temperament, and training. 

But it’s hard for me to not control everything.

When I worried about owning an out-of control dog, my husband reminded me that our kids weren’t out of control.  We’d have similar expectations.

I hoped he was right.

       We visited two shelters before we found a potentially right dog for us.  He was a two-year-old beagle that loved people.  We asked to meet him.  We completed adoption paperwork.  We were interviewed.  Because of a technicality we were told we couldn’t adopt him that day, so we might be better off not meeting him.

My daughter still wanted to meet him.

I braced myself for her future tears. 

       He was sweet, scooting backwards to sit in laps.  We were told he was low on aggression (yay).  He’d also scored low on activity, which is rare for beagles.

We liked him.

But we couldn’t take him home.

       This was good for me.  If I’d just been able to take him home, I would’ve had an anxiety attack.  The situation made me (slightly) regretful instead.

The employee saw how well we’d bonded and was able to figure out a solution.


       My daughter named him Milo, after the main character in The Phantom Tollbooth. When we took the dog home, my husband and I had the same disembodied sensation we’d experienced when we took home our son from the hospital after he was born. We’re in charge now?!?  We don’t know what we’re doing!

       The next few days were overwhelming for my husband and me, but not because Milo was “bad”. Neither my husband nor I had ever owned a dog before.  My daughter and I read books to prepare. When I had a question, I’d scour the internet.  But it was an adjustment. 


       A week into owning Milo, we fell into a routine. My son had become a huge help. Our poor cat was warming up. A little. I’d boasted how well things were going to a group of people. They proceeded to explain to me how the dog was being good because we were in a honeymoon stage. They warned there’d be exuberance and howling.

I freaked out inside.

It was like “veteran” mothers scaring pregnant women about childbirth, or how their kids won’t sleep through the night or behave in restaurants.

       Afterwards, I told my husband we’d taken on too much, and couldn’t back out now because our children would never forgive us and I wished I could go back a year and say no to getting a dog and how this dog would be our responsibility when the kids went to college and I missed my cat… 

We calmed down.


       The next week was our biggest challenge. My kids and I were going away. My husband would be in charge of the dog all week.  He’d leave the dog all day while he worked.

Would the dog destroy the house?
Would the dog hold his bladder?

Only time would tell. 


I’m happy to report nearly 3 weeks in, Milo's list:

Not too big
Not too energetic
Doesn’t drool
Doesn’t bark
Doesn’t lick
Doesn’t Jumps rarely
Doesn’t shed
Needs little grooming
Has a BIG bladder

And the cat is back snuggling with us on the couch.


The dog has learned:

to sit
patience when the cat is eating
to stay off the couches… at least in our presence


I’ve learned a few things too:

I need to relax to be a good pack leader.
When all four of us chip in, it’s not so much responsibility.
Walking dogs is good exercise.
Like with raising kids, keep expectations high.

And, as with almost everything, anticipation is worse than experience.



Have you ever feared anything
that wasn't as bad as you thought?




38 comments:

  1. Milo is a cutie! It sounds like he's integrating very well into the household-

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aw, congrats on your new doggie! I've never had one either, but have always wanted one. I've just never lived anywhere I could have one. ::sighs::

    Yes, I've definitely dealt with things that didn't turn out to be quite as bad as I'd anticipated. I try to remind myself when I'm facing The Next Awful Thing, and sometimes that actually helps take the edge off. But not as well as Xanax does. :-)
    Some Dark Romantic

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aww. Ain't he a little sweetie. Looks like he's in mid stretch too. And sounds like he's loving his new home. ^_^

    We recently got a Collie. He's only three months though, so house training is a fair bit of work. He's also still learning that the cats are covered in sharp things, doesn't help that most of our five felines like to tease the poor bugger.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Milo is the cutest, and I don't often say that about dogs. My hubby is a dog person. I've managed to convince him a cat is enough for us for the moment ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! First HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your beautiful amazing daughter!!!! Second - yay for Milo!!! Awwww what a story!! Of course I knew you'd cope brilliantly with the change in the family dynamics so everyone will be happy and getting on!! Yay for you!!! He's adorable and such a positive force for good! Yes he is! :-) Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh thanks SO much for sharing your story. Because as soon as we get a fence in our backyard, we're getting a dog. I had the same experiences as you as a kid and am not sure I want the extra work. But my husband and daughter really want a dog so probably in a month or two we'll be getting one too. Milo is so cute. Glad it's working out. And awesome that you moved.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great story! I'm so happy you found the perfect dog for you. Milo is a sweetheart :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. soooo happy you got ( & kept) him!!
    dogs are the best!
    yay!!!
    what a cutie =)

    ReplyDelete
  9. ps, email me any doggie questions. i'd be happy to help, i've seen just about all there is to see with dogs!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am glad that you are having dog success. :) And yes, I've had plenty of times where I built something up in my mind, only to see it was not the big deal I thought. Live and learn, right?

    ReplyDelete
  11. What a cute pup!!!

    Since our dog, Georgie, died, I have sworn we wouldn't get another dog. The kids ask me time and again why we can't get another dog. It comes down to not wanting to bring another pet into the house while I'm still scrambling to keep up with kids and schedules and housework and work-work... I also harbor a lot of guilt about not giving Georgie enough attention the last few years of her life. :( So I won't budge on my "no more dogs" stance.

    Still, when I see friends get dogs and see pics of cute ones like yours... there's a short moment when I could possibly be persuaded. ;) Enjoy the newest member of your family!

    ~Lynn

    ReplyDelete
  12. Congratulations on getting your dog, Theresa :) I remember when we brought my dog home. No one in my family had a clue what they were doing, and now we had this rambunctious golden retriever puppy who literally doubled her size within a month or two. She caused so much trouble and chewed on everything in sight. Jumped on people. Had lots of potty accidents. But there came a day when these habits were trained out of her (and although she shed fur like CRAZY) I couldn't have imagined our lives w/o her. Dogs are so, so worth it. Wishing you the best of luck with your new "son"! Haha :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Congrats on the new addition to your family. Milo looks like he's quite comfortable and happy.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I was viciously attacked by a dog as a child. I will never own one. I just don't trust those animals. I could possibly own a cat.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I love what you wrote about keeping expectations high, but anticipation being worse than experience. I'm so happy to hear that everything's going so well!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Look at him? How could you say no to that?
    Glad it worked out.
    We always had big dogs as kid, the kind that liked to chew. Won't tell you what they did to our coffee table. Or my record collection. Or the wall in the laundry room...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi, I'm a new follower from Elissa Cruz's blog.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Cute dog! We've had our cane corso (Who is definitely too big, not too energetic, drools after running,only barks ouside, rarely licks, rarely jumps, sheds like you wouldn't believe, but needs little grooming and whose bladder fails him whenever he gets excited about anything) And yes, it's a big responsability and there are some days I STILL wonder why I let my husband talk me into it. But in all, he's a great dog.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Aw, what a cutie! I had an energetic little shihtzu when I was growing up, and I loved that dog to pieces. You're making me want another dog! But not while I'm living in an apartment. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dogs are awesome! I have 2, and they are so routine driven. They know exactly what time their walks are, what time their dinner is, and what time they get their chew stick. They remind us should we forget:)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Milo sounds great! We adopted our dog as a tiny baby, so we had no idea what her personality would be like. Talk about huge adjustments. She was everything your friends warned you about. But now she's 3 and she's calmed down a lot. Despite the early days of jumping, scratching, chewing wood, and barking at squirrels (she still does, at all hours), we learned she's a sweet dog who just wants to be loved. And we love her.

    Congrats on the new member of your family!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yeah, subbing wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be ;).

    Good for you, getting a dog. I won't. I don't remember it, but I'm fairly certain I was traumatized by a dog at an early age. I still have a phobia concerning the creatures.

    ReplyDelete
  23. It's kind of strange but when I was growing up from the early 50's until about 1964 I never knew anybody that I can recall having a dog. There was a next door neighbor in Cleveland, Ohio who had an Irish Setter named Sean but we rarely saw it. Finally, in 1964 I became friends with a guy whose family had a trained dog act, but I only saw him when we did shows together.

    I wonder if not many people owned dogs back then or if it was just a matter of where we were living?

    I used to fear just about everything, but I always managed to survive to conquer my next fear.


    Lee
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm so happy for you and your family that everything is working out. Our dogs are rays of sunshine in our lives. Dogs are always happy to see you and they never talk back! Enjoy your new family member.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'd love to have a dog someday, but I'm a bit hesitant about getting one--my wish list is similar to yours. I'm glad to see the experience worked out for you.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Love your puppy story, Theresa! Good to know that cats can learn to get along, if we ever get a dog. I'd like a beagle too!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Milo is so cute! I'm glad he's settling in so well.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Your dog is so cute! He looks like he's sleeping very peacefully. I think it's wonderful that you let your daughter get a dog, though I can understand your anxiety. Taking care of a dog is a lot of work, especially because dogs can be very needy; they're more dependent on their owners than cats are. But they're very loving too. They always act so thrilled to see you when you come home, which can be very heartening. I had a dog when I was growing up, and I loved her very much; I think my childhood would not have been the same without her.

    ReplyDelete
  29. He looks so sweet. I'm glad you managed to find such a good dog. We ended up with a problem child. Nervous and anxious, territorial, and not real bright, but he's an EXCELLENT watch dog and is great with the cats. Actually, he thinks he's a cat. LOL
    It's great to be back. I've been trying to catch up this week and regain my normal schedule now that summer is coming to an end. Yay, i can blog again. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'm so glad to hear that all is well with you and Milo. Sorry if I was one of the people scaring you about getting a dog. I love our dog, even if she sheds and requires walking...

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh oh, Milo is so adorable! Dogs are a big responsibility but so very worth it :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Milo is adorable! That was a wonderful story. And for me, anticipation is far worse than the experience. I always blow everything of of proportion in my head. I'm high anxiety.

    Eventually my husband and I agreed we'd get our son a dog. He's an only child and we want him to have a companion as well as learn some responsibility. My husband had dogs growing up, but I never had one before. I like dogs, even though I think it'll be like having another kid, but I'm much more of a cat person!

    ReplyDelete
  33. He is gorgeous. I was similarly worn down (mostly by Hubby) and we've ended up with a serious psychotic dog. Even trying to explain what he's like to people falls short, and they never truly understand the horror of taking him out of the house until they see it for themselves.

    BUT... he's the best house-dog. Great with the kids, cute, loves cuddles, even gets on with the cat mostly.

    Something happened when he was a puppy (we got him from a shelter, fully-grown) and he hates being walked - he shakes, it rushes the route to get home as quickly as possible, if he sees another dog he struggles so hard to go and fight that we have to pin him to the floor. We can't take him anywhere we know there will be other dogs - no tying him up outside shops, no day-trips, no camping trips. I look at other dogs in these places and feel so sad that ours is being dog-sat.

    On the other hand, when the time comes, I'll be happy to have another dog - because none can be as bad as out gorgeous doggy!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Mazel tov!
    I was about your daughter's age when I got my dog... And that dog stayed with our family til I was 24.
    We taught each other a lot and we were mostly inseparable for that entire time. The bond I had with that dog was one of the most reliably positive things about my childhood.
    I hope your family has a similar experience, it certainly sounds like it is shaping up that way.: j

    ReplyDelete
  35. So cute!

    I often think about getting a dog. Our biggest "problem" with it is the whole "who will babysit him when we travel" thing. But I still won't rule out getting one in the future. They're fun and usually very loving.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I always feel like I am the only one in the world who feels this way, but I am so not a dog person. However, I guess I wasn't a pet person at all, but now I love my cat--so maybe there's hope for me.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm glad he's working out so well. He'll have all of you trained just the way he wants you in no time at all!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hilary Melton-Butcher has left a new comment on your post "Anticipation and Experience":

    Hi Theresa .. Milo sounds as though he's settled into absolutely the right home .. fortunately there's always people around to help ... I'm so pleased for you all - he'll be a great comfort to one and all.

    Have a fun summer with him and then a great future together ... happy days - Hilary

    ReplyDelete