Monday, March 17, 2014

Worst Idea for a Novel Ever

So, I’m dreaming last night…

(Don’t leave. I swear—it’s not just a post where I’m sharing my dream. Mostly.)

And this teenage girl has a pizza. She wants to put it in storage on the Long Island Railroad while she rides home, but they want to charge her $30. So she decides to hold it.

(I agree, not a great opener. While I appreciate her not wanting to spend $30 on really what should be a free service, I don’t see where this dream is going.)

She reaches her stop and walks home with the pizza in hand. She meets a boy. He’s complaining about his lousy job. They walk home together and fall in love.

(While this dream still isn’t compelling, both appreciating a New York pizza is as good a reason to start a relationship as any.)

I already know, as I’m watching these people that he’s going to get too clingy and she’s going to break up with him. He’s going to take this badly and decide to kill her.

(Oh, great… I’m having a nightmare.)

He’s chasing after her. She decides to run home so her dad can help. He’s a cop. Normally, father and daughter don’t get along, but they’re really going to bond when he kills her stalker, psycho ex-boyfriend.

(A cop dad? That’s convenient, don’t you think?)

She runs home. Dad shoots ex-boyfriend in the chest just in time. The boyfriend turns into a female. She’s got a look of surprise (from being shot or changing gender, I'm not sure) and keels over.

I think the story can’t end like this because my main character hasn’t done much to drive the plot, so the woman isn’t going to die. She’s going to chase after her and they’ll have a showdown.

In my dream, I actually say, “And this is how you plot a novel, people!”

(*Cue scratched record sound* Now this dream is a novel? Did dreaming-author me not just notice that the ex-boyfriend turned into a girl? She got shot in the heart, so how’s she going to pursue my main character? It seems my “novel” has plot holes the size of continents.)

My main character (MC) is crying, apparently because now her father is dead. (Another plot hole. When did this happen??? Is this a Quentin Tarantino film where everything is out of order?) The boyfriend who is now a girl grabs the gun and points it at my MC. MC takes a little too long but finally runs away. Boy-turned-girl pursues MC.

MC winds up in a flea market. She’s dodging booths, crowds, ducking under tables. All the while, the ex-boyfriend turned girl is calmly walking with the gun pointing in plain sight and a tank top covered in blood along with a bullet hole.

The MC sees a guy who’s wearing stilettos, but otherwise looks pretty tough. Turns out she knows him. He’s a gun owner. She knows she can borrow a gun from him. But first he introduces her to his three kids.

(So that’s my climax twist? She happens to see someone who owns a gun, which means he’ll have the gun on him and give it to her?)

I wake up.

Now I don’t even know how the novel ends.

But I’m fired up. I’m going to write this novel down that has written itself!

I start reviewing my stellar plot in my mind and reality sinks in.

I turn over and go back to sleep.

You writers who have these dream epiphanies--I’m impressed because my subconscious is this bad.


How would you end my novel-dream?

Best comment wins a $25 Amazon gift card.






61 comments:

  1. Turns out he doesn’t have his gun because he doesn't want it around his kids. So, at the last minute she grabs a rusted circular saw blade from the flea market stall table she is in front of and throws it like a Frisbee, which decapitates the villain. The dead decapitated villain morphs into her father. The end.

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    1. What a strong first entry, Joyce! It fits in with the non-sensical/gory nature of the rest of my dream, yet has some sort of satisfying ending.

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  2. Maybe he has a gun but no bullets? Can she get out of trouble on the sheer swagger of bluffing with the gun?

    Ahhhh....I love dream ideas!

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    1. Vicki, maybe she can bluff until the boy-turned-girl bleeds out. Thanks for the ending!

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  3. I can't help you, Theresa. None of my "middle of the night revelations" has ever looked any good in the morning. But if my vote counts, Joyce has got it all sewn up!

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    1. Dianne, clearly my "middle of the night revelations" don't look good either.

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  4. Erm... second guy in stilletos then confronts guy who's turned into a gal! In a classic cowboy/tarantino type standoff both gun toting characters are pointing their guns at each other. The MC screams "shoot her dammit! She killed my father!" But wait! the guy in stilettos recognises her. Before he can say anything one of his kids goes, "Mummy?" to the guy who turned into a gal. This character looks at the child confused. Of course she's their long lost mother! The guns are lowered as the children run to her! The MC is appalled and bewildered. She wrestles the gun off the guy in stilletos and points it at the guy turned gal. But of course she can't do anything cos the kids are crying and hugging this guy turned gal. In the distance there's the sound of police sirens.

    The end.

    LOL! Take care
    x

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    1. Wow, Old Kitty--lots of twists and turns here. I never pictured a happy ending, but your twist weaves all the threads... as long as boy-turned-girl doesn't bleed to death. Love your take!

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  5. My friend posted this on Facebook:
    Dana Doherty I tried to post comment but it didn't work... So here it goes:
    MC wakes up thinking it was a really weird dream. She goes downstairs because she smells bacon. She sees her dad making breakfast with the girl (who was a boy). She's her stepmom. The girl winks at her. The End

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    1. Dana, you're the second one to add a mother into this dream ending. And you're the second to give it a happy ending. Thanks!

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  6. That QT film made my head spin. I disagree about your subconscious, though. Honestly, you've dreamed of usable elements. I particularly like the fact that after being shot the male villain turns into a chick. Maybe that was some kind of a switch, a switch which had to be flicked in order for ???? to be revealed. ???? could be main story goal that was initially something else, like a connection to some underground fae factory or puppy mills or ...

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    1. Sheri, that QT film made my head spin too! I really don't think there's any usable material here. But you never know! I like your idea of having shot him revealed who he truly was. Kind of reminds me of that scene from Men in Black.

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  7. Turns out the kids each have a gun and shoot the crazy boy-turned-girl. This time he turns into an alien. Fortunately, now a dead alien.

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    1. Alex, it figures you'd get a sci fi angle! Definitely reminds me of Men in Black.

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  8. I'm stumped for an ending, but I enjoyed the dreamy twists and turns~

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  9. Hi Theresa .. he announces the kids are hers ... she's surprised and finds the Time Lord has grabbed her ... so now she alters once again and becomes the wife once again ...

    Heaven knows what your husband is doing while you have these dreams Theresa?! Cheers Hilary

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    1. Hilary, tell me more about this Time Lord....

      As for my husband, he was snoring. I didn't sleep very well, which might explain the whole bizarre dream!

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  10. That sounds kind of like all my "brilliant" dream ideas. I don't know what it is about dreaming. It seems so plausible when you're asleep.

    I like the gender-changing-gun, though. That idea might have legs...

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    1. Liz, if anything might explain the gender-change, the gun would do it. Now to figure out how the dad died....

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  11. The gun owner and the girl end up going to Paris to watch the giraffes have a tea party.

    (I'm with you on the weird dreams not really working for novel ideas, lol)

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    1. Lynda, the whole dream was so bizarre, why not have animals who behave like humans?

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  12. I've had strange dreams that I've wanted to use in my writing, but then I don't.

    The MC obtains a gun from the man with children and then when she turns to the girl-boy, she shoots water at her and she screams, melting onto the floor like the Wicked Witch. I've dreamed of witches, so....

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    1. Medeia, I like the reasoning: if the real bullet doesn't kill her/him, maybe a water gun will.

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  13. I don't have a good ending for your novel dream, Theresa, but I am SO GLAD to know that I am not the only one whose subconscious can't plot! I can't tell you how many times I've woken up KNOWING I have the best idea ever only to realize, uh, no...!

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    1. Susanna, I am SO GLAD to know I'm not alone TOO! I actually remember a similar thing happening to a writer character on an 80s TV show. We writers wish it would be easy enough to dream up a plot in our sleep. For me, it's about as likely as getting rock-hard abs in my sleep. (Actually, I can't seem to manage that when I'm awake either.)

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  14. The girl cons the man into giving her the gun, then tears off after the villain through the streets of her Long Island community. She spies him/her contemplating a sign advertising a mani/pedi sale outside a nail salon and is about to make her move, when she is seized by a HORRIBLE REALIZATION...
    She forgot to use deodorant that morning!
    In a panic, she dashes into the nearest CVS and races to the deodorant aisle. BUT THEY DON'T HAVE THE KIND SHE WANTS!
    Sweating and trembling, her head spinning, she tells herself to calm down. Sure, she wants Certain Dri, but the stakes are so high, she can't give up. With a deep breath, she grabs the CVS brand and heads to the front counter.
    Where her heart stops cold. Only one cashier is open and the line is halfway down the greeting card aisle!
    She reminds herself to stay calm and rushes to the self-checkout stands. Where she faces more unexpected roadblocks - Every single one has an OUT OF SERVICE SIGN!
    In a state of total panic, she spins back to the mile-long line at the one open cashier, arms flailing wildly and she screams: WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THIS PLACE?! I HAVE A PSYCHO EX-BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND TO MURDER AND I DON'T HAVE ANY DEODORANT! CAN ANYONE ELSE HERE POSSIBLY BE THAT DESPERATE?
    In unison, every person in line turns and stares at her. Their faces a mixture of confusion and pity.
    And then the woman in the front of the line tilts her head in sympathy. "I hate when that happens," she says kindly. She gives up her spot so the main character can pay for her CVS brand deodorant. She even lets her use her CVS card because it was 20% off.
    The girl spits out her undying thanks to the kind stranger, pays for her deodorant, and after waiting 15 seconds for the 8 foot long receipt to print out, races outside to apply her deodorant behind after ducking behind a mail box.
    As it turns out, the villain is still outside the nail salon contemplating the mani/pedi deal. The girl can't believe her luck.
    She shoots him/her in the back, blows on the gun in victory, and strides inside the salon. "Can you take me right away?" she asks. "I've got to get home before my pizza cools off."
    THE END

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    1. Vicki, you get an A+ for sheer effort here. But I have to tell you it would be more realistic if the girl when to pay at self-checkout because no registers were open and then had to stand there for 5 minutes because some glitch happened with the register, so she had to wait for the employee to come over, but the employee needed to call over a manager because she couldn't figure it out either... and then the register took 15 seconds to split out the 8-foot-long receipt.

      Then again, it's a dream, so why not pretend that the CVS self-checkout would work without a glitch.

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  15. Lol, let's combine dreams. Your main character then pops out of her body and flies to Seattle, to go into a novelty store to buy a $0.96 St. Patrick's Day mask.

    I love strange dreams. They always spark the imagination.

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    1. Miranda, combining dreams would make this whole thing even more surreal. Now I'm feeling like we're in the Matrix!

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  16. LOL. I love this. Fun idea, Theresa!

    The MC obtains a gun from the guy, then turns to face the boy-turned-girl. And freezes, the gun half-pointed. In disbelief, she finally looks down at her own body. Her MALE body. Recognizing the clothes from the night before, she drops the gun and feels her face. SHE'S the boy. The MC's stomach drops as her gaze moves slowly to the boy-turned-girl, and she watches her own lips twist into a smile just before her finger squeezes the trigger.

    Fade to black.

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    1. Thank you, Larissa. Wow, that's quite a twist! You, along with a few others, are way cleverer than my subconscious.

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  17. I think I'll take an aspirin, climb back between the sheets and see if I can finish your dream for you. I'm terrible at plotting, so you're better off if I don't suggest anything. Unless, of course, I dream something up.

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  18. Cleemckenzie, I'm not a plotter either. That's what made the dream even more bizarre--as if I knew what I was talking about when it came to plotting!

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  19. Too early in the morning to think up an ending for you. My brain is scrambled just reading your idea, but I do think there's some workable parts. I'm a pantser, so I would have some fun with this. I'll let all the clever plotters help you Theresa!

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    1. Denise, my brain was scrambled after this dream too! I don't think there are any workable parts--I put the challenge out there for a bit of fun. Thanks for visiting!

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  20. I have no idea how it should end. But I do agree that NY pizza makes an excellent contribution to any story! :)

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  21. Karen, really, the only thing that made sense about the dream was the NY pizza. I eat some every time I visit home.

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  22. I don't have a good ending, but OMG, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has these "dream epiphanies." I wake up in the middle of the night and think, "That's the most brilliant idea ever. I have to write this down." I've even written songs this way in my head. But if I can remember them later (I rarely can), they usually make no sense once I'm actually wide awake!

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    1. Stephanie, this dream was particularly terrible because I actually had the audacity to think I'd plotted something worthy and bragged about it in my dream. What was dream me thinking?

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  23. It is, obviously, a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book (circa 1983). :) My last weird dream involved me at my parent's house while they had a realtor going through it (which is actually true since they're selling it). However, it had rooms no one but me had ever been in and my room had a ghost who liked to peel paint off the walls and jeer anyone who came to the door. Hmmm.

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    1. Erica and Christy, maybe it's like that Brady Bunch episode where the kids make the house look haunted, so nobody wants to buy it. You didn't want them to sell! (I'm doing dream analysis here, apparently.)

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  24. It's always interesting how dreams bring a wide net of thoughts together and we try to make sense of them. I agree with some of the comments. It looks like a reversal of roles, in this case--bodies. Good luck with it.

    Now you've got me thinking about my crazy dreams. Maybe I should try and make more than just sense out of them. Maybe I should write a book or story about them.

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    1. Victoria, only write your dreams down if they're a vast literary improvement from mine!

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  25. How exciting! I'm not going to finish you're novel, but I need a box of popcorn so I can enjoy every one else's ideas!

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    1. Lydia, I'm amazed that anyone was able to figure out an ending to my dream mess! Pass the popcorn.

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  26. Oh gosh, now that is quite a dream. My immediate thought would be to involve animals, but I think Lynda's approach is better. Or maybe this is an indictment that I watch too much kid programming.

    Fun topic Theresa and I hope you had a good weekend.

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    1. Slamdunk, I don't know if even the best ideas for an ending can save this inane dream, animals or no animals!

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  27. I never dream stories. However, worse stuff than this dream thing gets published and makes big bucks. Next time you are critical of yourself, please remember that someone greenlit Gigli.

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    1. Michael, yes, and Glitter and Showgirls. My dream might have more potential than those.

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  28. I wish I had dreams of the whole story; plot, premise and resolution!

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    1. Kelly, I guess the whole point of dreams is they don't work that way!

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  29. Too funny, Theresa! You know you are a real writer when it invades your dreams ;)

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    1. Ruth, yes. But it's definitely a dream if I think I'm actually a plotter!

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  30. I love getting story ideas from dreams! But don't worry, you're not the only one - sometimes my ideas make no sense at all on waking up. The worst is when the story itself might be intriguing but the premise makes sense only in dreamland, and there's no way to salvage it in the waking world...

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    1. Deniz, yep, that's what happened here! Why does the nonsensical make so much sense on the side of sleep? No believability issues. Or timeline.

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  31. As the guy in the stilettos is introducing her to his children, she pushes him over, grabs a stiletto off his foot, throws it at the guy with the gun and it pierces him in the chest. And she says, "Now, that's how you bestiletto his beating heart!"

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  32. Missed Periods, ha! I had to look at "bestiletto" a few seconds for it to sink in. Too bad I've already picked a winner. You could've been a contender!

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  33. Love your ending with the gun owning, kid fathering, dude in high heels! What a dream!

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  34. Oh my goodness this is hilarious!!! Though seriously there is some potential here. A new paranormal creature that doesn't die when you kill it but changes sex. That is a good idea no joke!!!

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