Sunday, February 28, 2010

Kindergarten Quotes

“Only people who die young learn all they really need to know in kindergarten.”

- Wendy Kaminer

I haven’t done a humorous quotes post since November*. On Friday, one kindergarten period during gym gave me enough quotes to merit its own post. It’s not often that one thirty-minute period could warrant its very own post, but here it is:

As they filed in, I called, “Kindergarteners, go to your warm-up spots.”

“They’re not their warm-up spots – they’re our stretching spots.”

Drat the little children’s annoying habit of being exact. “My mistake. Kindergarteners, to your stretching spots.”

It’s a good thing they don’t understand sarcasm.

For each stretch, the children protested if I veered from the usual order of stretches, tried to do few or too many counts in the stretch, or (God forbid) counted instead of saying the alphabet as we held the stretch. At some point, I said, “If I don’t do the warm-ups in exactly the same order as your teacher, it’s not the end of the world.” I don’t think they believed me.

Later, a little girl on steppers (upside down cups to stand on with handles that you hold) stepped over to me. “I have money in my pocket.”

“That’s nice. What are you buying?”

“I have more money at home. I’m saving.”

“It’s good to save. What are you saving for?”

“I’ve got $100. If my mother loses her job, if my father loses his job, I’m gonna save them.”

“That’s very sweet.”

With about ten minutes of class time to go, one girl sat on the floor, sobbing and clutching her knee, while a gaggle of girls huddled around her.

“What happened?”

She pointed to a surprised girl. “SHE pushed me!”

Surprised girl responded, “No I didn’t. Your shoelaces are untied.”

We all looked down and indeed they were untied. “I think you shouldn’t accuse friends. You probably tripped on your laces,” I said.

Then the hurt girl looked around. “Stop looking at me!”

I reprimanded the hurt girl. “They’re just concerned about you.”

“Go away!” she screamed at them anyway. (Did her head just spin 360 degrees?)

All the girls scurried away but one. “Can I stay?”


The girl was still crying, but seemed calmer. “Are you ready to play?” I asked.


I pulled up her pant leg to see that her knee. “You look okay to me, but if it’s really bothering you, I can get my HUGE chainsaw and get rid of this pesky leg.”

That usually gets giggles, but she said, “No,” trying to decide if I was serious.

She ran off, probably terrified of me.

Another student, who was in the original huddle, came over and told me, “I know that girl from last year. When she’s upset, she likes to be alone. She needs her space.” I smiled. “Thanks for letting me know.”

When their teacher arrived, I announced, “Kindergarteners, your teacher is here. Please help me put away all of the gym equipment.” Most readily complied.

As they left, one student said, “Thank you for taking us through our routine today.”

Trying not to laugh, I replied, “Thank you for being such a good class.”

As they went out the door, I overhead the last two boys having this exchange:

“You know, staples can kill.”

“No, they can’t.”

“Yes, they can.”

Kindergarteners are really cute, but ZANY. For those of you who teach kindergarten day in and day out, I salute you. Below are two kindergarten blogs that I follow. Check them out and get to know these dedicated teachers:

My Happy Rainbow:

The Chronicles of a Veteran Kindergarten Teacher:

* Previous humorous quotes:


  1. My mom runs an after school program and she always has the best stories about the kindergartners. Zany seems like the perfect word to describe them.

  2. My husband has one student that corrects every mistake he ever makes, whether it's a congruity issue, misspelling, whatever and I think it's so annoying! And "staples can kill" goodness, what are these kids watching on TV?

  3. Haha, very amusing post! I've subbed for kindergarten before. What a handful.

  4. This post is the reason I avoid Kindergarten. I was once reprimanded when I didn't say "October" while counting the days of the month. I read somewhere in the smaller grades, you should always start the day off saying, "Your teacher's not here today, so things may go a little differently than normal, but it will be okay and we'll do our best." Or something. So I always do. Even with some older kids, too.

  5. I love the quote about the staples - where do they come up with these things? Thanks for the laugh!

  6. Lol Theresa, what a great post. Out of the mouths of babes.....! Thanks so much for mentioning my blog. I truly look forward to reading yours ever day.


  7. haha poor you! :o) I love the things kids come out with.

  8. LOL! I love Kindergarteners.

    And staples CAN kill. I've seen the statistics. And I've been to too!


  9. This was so much fun to read! My daughter-in-law teaches kindergarten and I know how the kids keep her on her toes! She said she can't get distracted for five seconds without losing control of the whole class.

    I'll pass your links on to her..thanks!

  10. Hi

    From the mouth of babes! They are very wise in their own sweet way. I had to learn very quickly that kiddies don't do sarcasm when my nephews were growing up. I still remember the eldest (he's 24 now) when he was about 4 or 5 came to visit the family home. We had a stairlift chair for my disabled sister and he loved riding on it. So while he was on my lap and we were whizzing (oh ok going very, very slowly) up the staircase on this chair, he asked how the chair worked. I said something like "it's run by a group of little fairies and elves who live under the chair." At which point he stared at me all wide eyed and asked "Can I see them?"

    I do like the "staples can kill" one best though - LOL!

    Take care

  11. Rebecca, I agree about "zany". It popped out at me.

    Aubrie, it's true - little kids correct EVERYTHING.

    Shelley, if you've subbed kindergarten before then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

    Tiffany, thanks for the suggestion about telling them the day will run a little differently. It's worth saying, even if it doesn't always sink in.

    Susan, once I heard the staple quote, I knew I had enough for a post. What a way to end the class.

  12. VKT, I've been enjoying your blog as well. I think it takes a special type of person to teach kindergarten.

    Niki, it never fails to surprise me what kids will say.

    Jackee, thanks to you and that little boy, I'm watching out for staplers. I can picture my son saying something similar, and if I corrected him he would've redacted it to something like, "But you could get really, really hurt."

    Pat, I feel the same as your sister-in-law. Wherever I'm not looking, trouble brews.

    Thanks for sharing my blog.

    Old Kitty, your fairy story made me laugh. My aunt once told me when I was about four that there was a little man in the radio. I didn't think I believed her, yet I couldn't be sure.

  13. Theresa,

    I love this post. Could be I happen to love kids and the preschool to kindergarten age range is hilarious for the things they say.

    "Staples can kill you."

    Does it get any better than that?

    I was a licenced child care provider for 12 years and loved the stories these kids would tell. "My daddy wears pink underwear."

    Never looked at that dad the same again!

  14. Thanks for the comment, Catwoods. "My daddy wears pink underwear." I bet daddy would feel pretty funny if he knew you were told that bit of information.

  15. Love this. There is nothing better than the insightful and wacky snippets that float from tiny mouths!

    Thrilled to have found my way here. Thanks so much for your comment on my blog!

  16. Aidan Donnelley Rowley, thanks for visiting my blog and getting a chance to read about one of my whacky sub days. I enjoyed checking out your blog.

  17. "staples can kill you" - that's fantastic! I don't know how teachers do it - thanks for making me laugh!

  18. Kathleen, what made it funnier is that nothing was said just before that sentence. He just declared it out of nowhere.

  19. I can't remember if I have bugged you for your e-mail before...I tried to respond to your comment today but couldn't find your e-mail. So send it to me if you don't mind. ;)

    I just wanted to say hang in there regarding that rejection. It is a super lame way to start the week but maybe try thinking of it as you are one step closer to find the right match for you.

  20. Ahhh, these are hilarious!! I love catching random snippets of my nearly four-year-old nephews' conversations with, well, himself and anyone who will listen. It's such a cliche, but kids do say the darnedest things. Really, they just speak so honestly and openly---it's refreshing and sweet and funny and sobering, all at the same time.

    Thanks for sharing!

  21. Hannahjustbreathe, I agree that kids are sweet, funny, and sobering. They're eager and in the moment, which makes them a trip.

  22. Delightful post!

    Love the wee tale about the little girl, saving her money in case her parents lose their jobs :)

  23. Thanks, Wendy. I thought that was sweet, but I wondered why she was thinking about that. Heavy stuff for a five-year-old.

  24. Thanks for the smile! I'm with Wendy-- that little girl preparing for a rainy day is priceless. Oh, and the destroying deathly staples.

  25. KarenG, This afternoon, I was at Best Buy, and when the cashier stapled my two receipts together, I worried for her life.

  26. Adorable post! My youngest is in Kindergarten and I volunteered for Parents Read day. Oh.My. Goodness. The book was about a sick bear and I paused to ask the students who took care of them when they were sick and when was their last trip to the dr? I was accosted with stories about horror visits to the dr and some brave souls who endured not one, but 15 shots and "didn't even cry!" Kindergarten Teachers are going straight to heaven!

  27. Thanks, Mary Jo. I recently subbed a pre-K class for music, and before I showed them the video "The Lorax", I mentioned that we gave it to my son when my daughter was born. Then it was five minutes of, "I have a brother. I have two sisters. I have a cousin," and so on. Once they get started...