Friday, August 27, 2010

Word Painting Blogfest

Thanks to Dawn Embers: for creating this blogfest. I forgot I agreed to participate until last night!

Here’s a descriptive scene from The Mist Chasers when Adam and Eve first meet the being behind the mist:

The mist immediately shrouded me, so I could barely see or breathe, and pushed and pulled me along. I remembered when Adam said we had to trust the fog, and now I knew what he meant because I the mist had taken control of me. We were going in a different direction than the other two times. First, the fog dragged me towards the school, but then we took the path to the woods. I had the sensation of being lifted off the ground, although I moved my legs. My instinct told me this trip would take me to whoever was in charge of the fog, and my heart began to thump in my chest, while it simultaneously seemed to drop into my stomach. But there was no turning back now.

After we reached the woods and the fog wound around some trees, which made me place my hands in front of my face for protection, the fog wrapped me like a python. My shallow breath bounced back at me in warms spurts as my lungs constricted. The mist shut light out of my world. I panicked at the thought of not being able to walk, see, hear, or catch my breath, but told myself to relax. It didn’t work. Then I felt myself drop, which felt like it went on for ages. There was a muffled whoosh, as I bumped along at lightning speed. I wondered if I’d be bruised the next day, that is, if I there were going to be a next day for me. That thought, along with the speed, gave me the worst butterflies, like on a roller coaster. Have I mentioned that I HATE roller coasters? I screamed at the top of my lungs, but knew nobody could hear or help me. I pleaded in my head, Please end. Please stop. I can’t take anymore of this. When I yelled myself hoarse, I flopped into a clearing in the middle of the woods, flat on my back, knocking the air out of me.

When I could catch my breath I tried to stand but at that moment, a cloud-like substance resembling a small tornado rushed towards me. Adam landed right on top of my chest, knocking the wind out of me again. He looked as surprised as I was.

“Get off me!” I commanded. We quickly untangled ourselves and sat up.

The forest broke the boundaries of imagination. The trees spread wide enough to hide a Hummer inside of the trunks and they reached upwards so I couldn’t see the tops. I imagined the uppermost branches tickled the sky. The enormity of the trees contrasted with my stature and magnified my insignificance in the world.

I shut my eyes and inhaled the scent of wood and decay and life that had an intensity I’d never experienced. I was really breathing for the first time, and it brought tears to my eyes knowing that I’d never taken a proper breath before.

Though it had been nighttime at home, it wasn’t here, although the canopy of leaves shaded the day. I wondered if I was still in the United States or transported to another country. Perhaps I’d arrived on another planet resembling the earth before we’d contaminated it with concrete and steel. After what I’d experienced, all three scenarios were possible. More and more, what I relied on as truth had spun out of control as the mist had done to me in order to bring me to this foreign place.

Then I noticed the woman, who appeared ordinary and exceptional at the same time. She was brighter than a mere mortal so I had a difficult time looking at her, yet I was drawn in so I couldn’t turn away. She stood as still as a statue. Her dark, short, and curly hair was adorned with a ring of white daisies around it. On her glowing skin, she wore a long, flowing white dress touching the dusty ground, yet appearing immaculate. I clenched my fists to keep from fingering the fabric that was like nothing I’d seen on the Earth I knew. It shimmered, reminding me of the sun’s rays dancing upon the sea.

The woman’s long sleeves were shaped like bells when she raised her hands and crooned, “Stand, my children.”

Check out the other Word Painting Blogfest participants:

1. Dawn Embers

2. Clarissa Draper

3. Ashelynn Sanford

4. Francine Howarth

5. Kristie Cook

6. Writers Block NZ

7. Tessa

8. Theresa Milstein

9. Anastasia V. Pergakis

10. Ju Dimello

11. Raquel Byrnes, Edge of Your Seat Romance

12. Amy Saunders

13. Anne Riley

14. Lovy Boheme

15. JC Martin @ Fighter Writer

16. KM @ One Page at a Time

17. February Grace

18. Christopher S. Ledbetter

19. Damyanti

20. L' Aussie Denise

21. Erin Kane Spock

22. Ra Shelle

23. Babydoll

24. Drea Moore

25. Roland D. Yeomans

26. Summer Ross

27. elaineamsmith@ live. co. uk

28. Brenda Drake


  1. I like "the mist shrouded me" and how "The fog wound around the trees"

    I also like the "cloud-like substance" like a "small tornado"

    Very neat descriptions!

  2. Hah, that's so funny, Aubrie. That was my exact first thought too. Nicely done, M.

  3. This is a neat idea. My favorite line: "The trees spread wide enough to hide a Hummer inside of the trunks and they reached upwards so I couldn’t see the tops." I could picture it clearly and the hummer made me smile.

  4. How funny! Here I am visiting your blog and I see your name pop up in my gmail!!! I'm feeling the love!

    Sorry I've been vacant this week! You have not been forgotten, I'm here to make up for lost time!!

    Your descriptions are fabulous! Grab me a blanket and some hot cocoa and I plan to listen to your word painting skills all night!!! "The fog wound around the trees" was beautiful, I could feel the fog wrapping around me, did I mention it was AMAZING?? I knew you were a beautiful writer but Theresa you've outdone yourself.

  5. "...the fog wrapped me like a python..." wonderful--made me feel like this fog is something unnatural and powerful. I'm curious what it is and why it's pulling her to this mysterious woman. :D

  6. @ Aubrie, thank you for the compliment. And thanks for your edit suggestions on his manuscript a few months ago.

    @ Salarsen, I'm glad you liked it!

    @ Summer Ross, Hummers play a part in this book, so it the analogy made sense when I wrote it.

    @ Jen, thank you for the lovely words. I feel the love too! Aubrie helped make this scene stronger. She's a great critique buddy.

    @ Brenda, I'm happy to know your curious about the fog and the mysterious woman. I have an excerpt of the beginning on my other blog.

  7. You did a great job with the mist and fog. I could see it and feel it.

  8. Great description here. You had me hooked!

  9. Hi,

    Really good atmosphere of fog drifting through trees, and a little humour here and there to lighten the mood.

    Very well done.


  10. I love the idea of the fog winding around her like a snake. Interesting simile there. Love it! :)

  11. Great description and use of metaphors...with a little editing, this piece would shine!

  12. You made the fog eerie but not sinister, that was delicately done.
    You were painting descriptions with words :)

  13. That was such a wonderful scene! I loved the frantic description of the python-like suffocation...very real!

    The line about the woman's gown being like sunlight on the water was my favorite. Great post!

    Edge of Your Seat Romance

  14. hi miss theresa! wow this is a real painting with words for sure. for me i like that line right by the end about her dress that said it shimmered, reminding me of the sun’s rays dancing upon the sea. wow! i could see that just like a real pretty picture.
    ...smiles from lenny

  15. I loved your descriptions, this being my favorite: "the fog wrapped me like a python." And the idea of a woman who appears ordinary and exceptional at the same time is very intriguing, even powerful.

    Great entry!

  16. Very descriptive writing, Theresa. Definitely good examples of word painting! Have a great weekend.

  17. @ Lydia, thank you!

    @ Bossy Betty, glad you were hooked!

    @ Francine, she wasn't as funny in the rough draft. I realized she had some humor during rewrites.

    @ KM, my writer friend, Aubrie has been my simile inspiration.

    @ Damyanti, any suggestions you have would be welcome.

  18. @ Elaine, I'm glad this excerpt worked in the spirit of the blogfest.

    @ Raquel, I just added the sunlight part before posting. Now I'm glad I did!

    @ Lenny, thanks for letting me know you got a picture from my writing. I appreciate it.

    @ Amanda, I'm glad the part describing the woman made sense to you. She's supposed to be a complex figure and I wanted her outer self to reflect the dichotomy.

    @ Talli, I'm happy you like my attempt at word painting. You have a great weekend too.

  19. It's discriptive. I love that...kind of feels like I'm right there.
    I love being swept away like that...

  20. Oh Theresa Milstein! This is lovely! Atmospheric, creepy, eerie and mysterious! I like that you really get under Eve's skin! She truly lives and breathes here! Wonderful!!!

    Thanks for sharing!
    Take care

  21. @ Barbra, it's nice to know you felt swept away.

    @ Old Kitty, I'm glad Eve came alive for you. Thank you!

  22. What a scary feeling to be so out of control and flying blind! Well done. I love trees and would love a chance to wander around in this mysterious forest with the mist all around. I was pulled in....I want to know about the Lady, who she is, where they are, what she's about....

  23. It was cool the way the fog almost seemed alive!

  24. Excellent description. You include physical sensations as well as sense information, well done.

  25. @ The Words Crafter, I'm glad the excerpt pulled you in and filled you with questions.

    @ RaShelle, I want the fog to almost seem alive. Thanks!

    @ Postman, thank you!

  26. What a descriptive journey. Loved the lady who was too bright to look at.

    The fog was tantalizing, so full of life and sensation.


  27. Oh, Theresa, lovely descriptions and strong voice here. The fog is like a character dragging, winding, wrapping. Nice work.

    Second order of business: if you have time, swing by my blog. There's a little something waiting for you. :)

  28. Lovely word painting. I love how the fog wound around the trees. It is alive with movement and life. Well done Theresa..:)

  29. @ Donna, thank you for the nice comment.

    @ VR Barkowski, I wanted the fog to be like a character. Thanks!

    I'm on my way to your blog.

    @ L'Aussie, thank you for the comment.

  30. The trees, fog and mist were all described so well they became visual images in my mind. Plus, they added to the atmosphere and tone of the book. Good choice!

  31. Thank you for entering. I love the use of fog in this one. While there is one sentence near the very beginning that I tripped over, the rest is very well done. I enjoyed the focus on the fog and how the character brought past and present together with the description. Great job.

  32. I didnt participate on this blogfest because I was too late (DAMN!), but Ive been loving the entries, this one is no exception. It AMAZING how you own your narrative and words, I bow before you, lady!

  33. Some neat descriptions there! Very intriguing story! I'm glad I stumbled on your blogfest entry!

  34. I love the nod to the biblical story of Adam and Eve, but with an obvious departure. I'm intrigued. :)

  35. @ Helen, I appreciate the complimentary feedback.

    @ Dawn, thanks for letting me know about the sentence. I'll review it.

    @ Clara, I looked for your entry. Good to hear from you again.

    @ JC Martin, thank you for the comment.

    @ Lovy, it's good to hear that you're intrigued. Thanks!

  36. I really enjoyed reading this, Theresa! Your images are gorgeous and vivid. Plus, I really like everything I've read of this story so far. Thanks for sharing! Hope you've had a good weekend. :)

  37. @ Shelley, telling me my, "images are gorgeous and vivid," is such a wonderful compliment. Thank you!

  38. My favorite description: "I imagined the uppermost branches tickled the sky." I love the imaginative use of 'tickled.' :)

  39. @ Amy, thank you. And thanks for following!

  40. Yay for Mist Chasers! :o) Thanks for sharing... I'm so sad I missed signing up for this one.

    Your imagery is spectacular, BTW!

    Have a wonderful week, friend!

  41. Very atmospheric and intriguing writing, Theresa,
    Great extract.

  42. @ Jackee, I'd love to see you participate in a blogfest.

    If my imagery is "spectacular", it's thanks to your editing help. You told me to increase the tension in the first scene. Thanks!

    @ Brigid, thank you. I really like your Magpie Tales so it means a lot.